Dear Sirs,

I am working in a manufacturing industry as a Senior HR Officer. I have recently come across a critical controversial issue where I require your suggestions. It's been very weird to discuss such a topic, but yes, I would like to handle it in a safe way. There has been a lot of heated discussion in our company about my operational boss and a lady from another department who is directly reporting to him. They are married (not to each other) and parents to one child. This issue has spread all around, and talks are happening regarding their relationships.

I strongly feel that it is none of our business to interfere in their personal lives after office hours and suggest that they behave in a professional and ethical manner. Do you think it's right to talk to them in this regard? I don't think I can talk to the boss, but I can talk to the lady. Would it be advisable to do so? And how can I consult her regarding this? I have come across such a situation for the first time and should not mess up such a sensitive matter.

Please guide.

Thanks and regards,
YK

From India, Bangalore
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Dear YK,

You have raised a very sensitive topic but not very uncommon. The stand indicated by you is fair considering the present circumstances. But I feel there is some Home Work to be done to ensure that the company harmony is not jeopardized on a future date.

In the Indian context some family matters coming to the office is rare, but not unreal.

It is not certain how the relationship, if it is true, will affect the concerned employees or the Company in future. Going by some past experience things are likely to come up at Company level if the alleged relationship turns sour. There are other possibilities also. In my view, consider following probable developments and your company’s action plan

as a matter of preparedness.

1.0 What happens if the spouse of one the couples or both the spouses come to know of the alleged relationship and

come to your office and create a scene?

2.0 Do you have standing orders for the company? If yes, what does it say about handling such relationships? If there is

no standing order how about issuing a general confidential message to all employees as a proactive step?

3.0 Any rumour or gossip has its own ramification and needs to be ignored or considered depending on gravity of the

impact it is likely to create. For example many people in the company may be wasting their good time talking about the

alleged relationship between two employees.

4.0 Informing your superiors of what you have heard might help you personally. If everything is OK in future no problem. In

the event of any disturbance some awkward questions may come to the fore.

V.Raghunathan

From India
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Yaa, it is not a matter of concern until and unless they are not violating the rules and culture of the organization because it's their personal matter. First, try to find out whether it is a rumor or truth. If it is true, then personally approach them and make them understand about the culture and ethics of the organization. Everything looks good within limits only.
From India, Ahmedabad
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Behavioural complications cannot be ignored in the workplace. It's human to get into situations without realizing how wrong it can get. Dealing with such sensitive incidents requires utmost care.

To begin with, do not act until you have data on these rumors. No matter how close the hearsay is, acting on it will land you in trouble.

In your situation, since one of the parties is senior to you, you may not have the authority to deal with it. Research how such cases have been solved in the past and by whom. Be aware of power dynamics. Take your time to find a trustworthy Senior HR or even the Head of HR who might agree to resolve this. Preferably, choose someone above the level of the Operational Head. Do not initiate any discussion until you are prepared to talk to both of them. Speaking to the lady simply because she works a few levels lower than you could create mistrust. Prepare thoroughly with the HR head on all levels of non-adherence and its implications.

Acknowledge the personal choices made and the risks of creating tensions in the workplace because of them. Prepare for a detailed discussion on how this situation is impacting the workplace in terms of culture and productivity.

Balance the responsibilities held by both parties jointly. Place them in a non-reporting relationship. Focus on reducing official interactions between them. For example, she should no longer escalate issues to him; they should be directed to other managers. He should not manage her Performance Appraisals anymore. Remain impartial to everyone. Despite any assurances he may give, any rankings provided by him could be questioned. Remember that any manager or employee can challenge them.

Understand that speaking to them will uncover many issues. They may try to deceive you. Stay composed. Identify the points you wish to address and emphasize the areas of non-compliance.

Conclude the meeting with both parties signing the agenda and agreeing to the discussed points. Monitor both of them for a set period.

Be prepared to address any rumors that may arise due to this situation. Counter any gossip by emphasizing productivity and fairness in evaluations. See this as an opportunity to strengthen your workplace culture.

Wishing you all the best!

From India, Mumbai
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YK HR: Time for us all to grow up! Let's put a policy in place regarding inter/intra-office relationships. If caught, this could lead to dismissal without pay, etc.

Put together a policy document, approach your boss, and mention that the organization has been discussing 'some' occurrences of this nature at higher levels.

Regardless of our actions, let's acknowledge that office romances are inevitable - attempting to eradicate them may result in at least one of the involved parties resigning.

From India, Mumbai
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Gossip, rumor, hearsay are neither facts, nor rules, nor a law. You need to have clinching evidence before you act. Although you can appraise them about the gossip and counsel them about the ramifications. If they are serious about their job and career, they will mend their ways at the workplace.
From India, Chandigarh
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I totally agree with a few of the above observations. Until you have evidence, do not try to approach either of the parties. You might end up making a mockery of yourself. On the other hand, they would come up with some story that might put you in a wrong position - somebody who cannot digest a male-female friendship. It's better to have an account of such an incidence wherein the office sanctity is questioned while asking for their reaction on it. Anything else might blow up into a mess, which would feed the gossip-mongers and aggravate the situation.

Understand that such issues are to be dealt with utmost care because you are dealing with your valuable human resource (otherwise, why did you hire them!). If nothing else, it might adversely affect their functionality and deliverance at work. Please keep us updated about your course of action.

From India, Shimla
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From India, Bangalore
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Dear YK,

Is it necessary to confront any and all controversial topics? Why can't we have a more subtle approach? Instead of talking to him, her, and everybody else, why can't we ensure that she doesn't report to him? This will provide some respite for the time being.

Regards,
Octavious

From India, Mumbai
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Dear YK,

First of all, this is a personal matter to comment on. Secondly, if the organization catches people red-handed, then some disciplinary action needs to be taken. We should give them a first show-cause notice to not violate the organizational rules and regulations. In case they do not mend their ways after the first notice, a second show-cause notice should be issued. Even if they still do not comply after the second notice, then harsh decisions should be taken against them.

From India, Surat
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This is still alive? Well - I guess such topics are of interest to a lot of folks
From India, Mumbai
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Unless you have clinching evidence against the said employees, and those acts are treated as misconduct, it is advisable not to tread on the right to privacy of a person regarding his or her character. They may sue you for damages, criminal or civil. Refer to the R. Rajagopal case of the Apex court and the Ram Jethmalani v. Subramanium Swamy case of 2006 decided by the Delhi High Court.
From India, New Delhi
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