I have been insulted by my boss before my colleagues and sub-ordinates sometimes and most of the time I quit the place without any reaction. Is it correct or should I retaliate with assertive skills?
From India, Coimbatore
Acknowledge(0)
Amend(0)
From India, Coimbatore
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Velu, the first question is: are you attracting bosses who insult you? This is a fundamental question because if there is an inner trigger in you which makes people insult you, then that has to be first removed. One or two sessions with a trained psychiatrist or psychologist will help you determine this behavior. I am saying this because you had mentioned that "most of the time I quit the place without any reaction."
Most mobile phones have a recording device. Next time your boss shouts at you in front of your colleagues, simply record his outburst. Then play it back to him when he is in a mellow mood. Most bosses will be shocked to see their behavior. Use the time to explain how such shouting demoralizes you and prevents you from being your most productive best.
Whatever be the provocation, do not retaliate immediately. Wait for an opportune moment. If after your reasonable explanation your boss still behaves unreasonably, then escalate the issue to his higher-ups.
From India, Bangalore
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
1Most mobile phones have a recording device. Next time your boss shouts at you in front of your colleagues, simply record his outburst. Then play it back to him when he is in a mellow mood. Most bosses will be shocked to see their behavior. Use the time to explain how such shouting demoralizes you and prevents you from being your most productive best.
Whatever be the provocation, do not retaliate immediately. Wait for an opportune moment. If after your reasonable explanation your boss still behaves unreasonably, then escalate the issue to his higher-ups.
From India, Bangalore
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Hi Velumani,
Insults are injuries to one's self-respect, even more so if it happens in front of others. Why don't you talk to your boss about it when he is relatively in a sober mood? Inform him that such insults are actually affecting your performance and morale. If it is happening time and again, better late than never, discuss the matter openly with him. If the behavior continues in the same manner, then, as suggested by Shekhar Suresh, escalate the issue, but be prepared that sometimes it can backfire too.
You can visit the link provided for more information: [Citeman](http://citeman.com) - hope it helps. There are people who have shared their own stories and solutions.
Regards,
From India, Delhi
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Insults are injuries to one's self-respect, even more so if it happens in front of others. Why don't you talk to your boss about it when he is relatively in a sober mood? Inform him that such insults are actually affecting your performance and morale. If it is happening time and again, better late than never, discuss the matter openly with him. If the behavior continues in the same manner, then, as suggested by Shekhar Suresh, escalate the issue, but be prepared that sometimes it can backfire too.
You can visit the link provided for more information: [Citeman](http://citeman.com) - hope it helps. There are people who have shared their own stories and solutions.
Regards,
From India, Delhi
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Hi Velu,
Please check if your manager is reacting the same way with the others or if you are singled out from the rest. If you are singled out for these insulting remarks, try to understand what sparks his anger towards you. If it's outside your performance and something personal, such as being the only employee in his team who doesn't speak his mother tongue, looking better than your manager, having more admirers than your manager, or being more knowledgeable than your manager, then just leave it there.
You can then meet him at leisure and ask him which aspect of yours irks him the most. If he is still angry, take it up with the higher-ups. I like your approach here - NO RETALIATION. You can just add, "SORRY BOSS IF I'M WRONG; I SHALL CORRECT MYSELF HEREON" - surely, this calms their flaring temper against you and helps them rethink the way they handle you. (This is an outcome of my personal learning and I'm sure it works.)
Regards,
Jean Walter
From India, Coimbatore
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Please check if your manager is reacting the same way with the others or if you are singled out from the rest. If you are singled out for these insulting remarks, try to understand what sparks his anger towards you. If it's outside your performance and something personal, such as being the only employee in his team who doesn't speak his mother tongue, looking better than your manager, having more admirers than your manager, or being more knowledgeable than your manager, then just leave it there.
You can then meet him at leisure and ask him which aspect of yours irks him the most. If he is still angry, take it up with the higher-ups. I like your approach here - NO RETALIATION. You can just add, "SORRY BOSS IF I'M WRONG; I SHALL CORRECT MYSELF HEREON" - surely, this calms their flaring temper against you and helps them rethink the way they handle you. (This is an outcome of my personal learning and I'm sure it works.)
Regards,
Jean Walter
From India, Coimbatore
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Well, there is no technique on Earth to get the boss to admit that he has made a mistake or make him repent or improve on his behavior by a subordinate. Believe me, you may read thousands of topics on "How To Deal with a Boss" online, in books, or articles, but a bad boss always remains a bad boss.
Now coming to your point, are you interested in knowing how to digest insults by your boss? Or are you wanting to know how to react to the situation?
If you want to know how to digest insults, start learning to be shameless like so many bosses do in front of their top boss. That's the way you get paid for hearing insults and humiliation and continue a long career in a company. Put a smile every time you are insulted, and if your smiling provokes more insults from your boss, learn to say SORRY for no reason at all. Learn to be Deaf, Dumb, Blind, and better still Brain Dead. Practice makes a Man Perfect.
If you want to know how to react to the situation, then here it goes: First, find out what makes your boss angry. Is it something related to your work performance or attitude? Are you responsible for making him behave in such a way? Are you good at the job that you do? Are you being made a scapegoat for someone else's mistakes? Can you rectify yourself and improve on the same? If you come out clean from most of the introspection, then you should now ask your boss what is the reason for him hurling abuses at you, and that too in front of other employees. You get paid for doing the work assigned and not for hearing abuses. Report it to the top management with a grievance letter stating the same, maybe to HR and any other higher-ups. If the higher-ups are in favor of your boss and you are sure nothing is going to come out of it and they might retaliate, then in that case, START LOOKING OUT FOR A BETTER JOB. A day's life with dignity is much more than a lifetime of disgrace. Regards
From India, Mumbai
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Now coming to your point, are you interested in knowing how to digest insults by your boss? Or are you wanting to know how to react to the situation?
If you want to know how to digest insults, start learning to be shameless like so many bosses do in front of their top boss. That's the way you get paid for hearing insults and humiliation and continue a long career in a company. Put a smile every time you are insulted, and if your smiling provokes more insults from your boss, learn to say SORRY for no reason at all. Learn to be Deaf, Dumb, Blind, and better still Brain Dead. Practice makes a Man Perfect.
If you want to know how to react to the situation, then here it goes: First, find out what makes your boss angry. Is it something related to your work performance or attitude? Are you responsible for making him behave in such a way? Are you good at the job that you do? Are you being made a scapegoat for someone else's mistakes? Can you rectify yourself and improve on the same? If you come out clean from most of the introspection, then you should now ask your boss what is the reason for him hurling abuses at you, and that too in front of other employees. You get paid for doing the work assigned and not for hearing abuses. Report it to the top management with a grievance letter stating the same, maybe to HR and any other higher-ups. If the higher-ups are in favor of your boss and you are sure nothing is going to come out of it and they might retaliate, then in that case, START LOOKING OUT FOR A BETTER JOB. A day's life with dignity is much more than a lifetime of disgrace. Regards
From India, Mumbai
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Dear Velumani,
"A coward dies every day, a brave dies once in a lifetime."
I am not sure if you are quitting the place because of some fear or because of your natural behavior to not indulge in brawls - in both cases, you are killing your self-esteem and allowing others to crush your ego. It should immediately stop in whatever way you want - blunt or diplomatic. If this doesn't stop, switch your job.
These behaviors are part of office politics; maybe your boss is trying to scare everybody else by insulting you (you being the only victim). There can be many diplomatic ways to curb this behavior by the boss. Indeed, you should read a few books on office politics and analyze the root cause of the problem. One such book is "How to Win Office Politics."
"How to Win Office Politics".
Kind regards,
[Your Name]
From India, Delhi
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
"A coward dies every day, a brave dies once in a lifetime."
I am not sure if you are quitting the place because of some fear or because of your natural behavior to not indulge in brawls - in both cases, you are killing your self-esteem and allowing others to crush your ego. It should immediately stop in whatever way you want - blunt or diplomatic. If this doesn't stop, switch your job.
These behaviors are part of office politics; maybe your boss is trying to scare everybody else by insulting you (you being the only victim). There can be many diplomatic ways to curb this behavior by the boss. Indeed, you should read a few books on office politics and analyze the root cause of the problem. One such book is "How to Win Office Politics."
"How to Win Office Politics".
Kind regards,
[Your Name]
From India, Delhi
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Hello Velumanihrntc,
Before you decide to 'retaliate' or do anything on similar lines, please go through what Shekhar Suresh, Archna, Jean Walter, and 28677c5420521383353edc6e6 have mentioned and asked for. First, you need to understand 'why' it's happening, and only then can you devise or think of 'how' to respond. The key here is to "respond" and not retaliate. 'Retaliate' includes a negative response or 'reaction,' whereas 'respond' excludes negativity.
To summarize what they mentioned in addition to my points, please provide the following inputs:
1. Are you the only one your boss picks on for this treatment/insulting?
2. Since when have you known your boss—both as a boss and as a person/individual? Sometimes proximity influences behavior.
3. How have your appraisal reviews been—good, okay, or bad?
4. You mentioned 'he insults you,' but you haven't specified the exact context/topic under discussion when such insults happen. Without delving into the details, could you mention a couple of instances? It's crucial because unknowingly you may have triggered it through your choice of words or actions.
5. While it's typical for similar situations to occur in office politics, repeated occurrences require a response. Determining what this response should be is essential.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Before you decide to 'retaliate' or do anything on similar lines, please go through what Shekhar Suresh, Archna, Jean Walter, and 28677c5420521383353edc6e6 have mentioned and asked for. First, you need to understand 'why' it's happening, and only then can you devise or think of 'how' to respond. The key here is to "respond" and not retaliate. 'Retaliate' includes a negative response or 'reaction,' whereas 'respond' excludes negativity.
To summarize what they mentioned in addition to my points, please provide the following inputs:
1. Are you the only one your boss picks on for this treatment/insulting?
2. Since when have you known your boss—both as a boss and as a person/individual? Sometimes proximity influences behavior.
3. How have your appraisal reviews been—good, okay, or bad?
4. You mentioned 'he insults you,' but you haven't specified the exact context/topic under discussion when such insults happen. Without delving into the details, could you mention a couple of instances? It's crucial because unknowingly you may have triggered it through your choice of words or actions.
5. While it's typical for similar situations to occur in office politics, repeated occurrences require a response. Determining what this response should be is essential.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Hi Velu, Insulting means assaulting one’s self respect and social status. please do not tolerate, way the things going on. Pls take proper action, otherwise this may became routine of ur Boss.
From India, Pune
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
From India, Pune
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Thanks for all of your help. I understand now. I will work on handling situations with emotional intelligence to prevent them from recurring. Thank you once again for promptly addressing my concerns.
From India, Coimbatore
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
From India, Coimbatore
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Dear Velu,
I think whatever you do, your boss is not satisfied with you. So, first of all, you need to understand why this is happening. My suggestion is that every day you discuss with your boss regarding your job and take suggestions. If you don't have an interest in sitting with him, still try to do it for your career. After a few days, you will see good results.
With regards,
Pradip Saha
From India, Calcutta
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
I think whatever you do, your boss is not satisfied with you. So, first of all, you need to understand why this is happening. My suggestion is that every day you discuss with your boss regarding your job and take suggestions. If you don't have an interest in sitting with him, still try to do it for your career. After a few days, you will see good results.
With regards,
Pradip Saha
From India, Calcutta
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)Looking for something specific? - Join & Be Part Of Our Community and get connected with the right people who can help. Our AI-powered platform provides real-time fact-checking, peer-reviewed insights, and a vast historical knowledge base to support your search.
Dealing with chinese whispers at work.doc