I work for a consultancy firm.
During my last year appraisal, since I felt that I was going through an unmerited performance evaluation despite the good job that I accomplished in my project, my manager put me with the HR for resolving the difference of opinions. The HR personnel advised that I should understand that the manager is new and he does not know me well enough to rate me properly! She also advised me my improvement plan. One of the action items in the plan was that I should escalate issues that I think would affect my performance, well in advance or at least on time. Two weeks later, I encountered an issue that I had to escalate to my manager. My manager is a very angry person. I've heard about this behavior of my manager from other people also. When I went to escalate the issue, he was angry for some reason (unknown to me) and he yelled at me and called me mean names. Since I knew that I cannot change another person's reaction to a situation and I knew that the HR personnel will only support him even if I complain about him, I decided to let the issue die in my mind and move on to some other unit within the same company. After the incident, I noticed that my manager always avoided and ignored me. When I was leaving the project, the same HR person wanted to know the reason and hence I had to explain to her what ever had happened. After hearing all the mean names that the manager called me, she said that the manager must have said all that in a fit of anger but I was being unprofessional by seeking other opportunities. She also blamed me for breaking the verbal commitments that I made before (I had committed that I will stay in the project for a year when I joined the project. I had only completed 9 months while I was leaving). I left it to her to think whatever she wanted to regarding this matter and I moved out of that project. And before I moved out, the manager told me that he will not talk to me again :)! (But of course, I burned the bridge, that I did not want to do.) The HR person told me that she will make some confidential notes about me in the HR records that will not be shown to me but will be given to my next manager! I'm not concerned about the confidential notes that she would write about me because I know that I have not done anything wrong. But I'm surprised about the HR's and the manager's behavior. Since my next appraisal time is coming up I would like to know from a third person (I always feel that I wasn’t wrong) if I were wrong/unprofessional in dealing with this situation? If my current manager mentions about this incident, can I confidently give my explanations about this matter?
From India, Pune
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During my last year appraisal, since I felt that I was going through an unmerited performance evaluation despite the good job that I accomplished in my project, my manager put me with the HR for resolving the difference of opinions. The HR personnel advised that I should understand that the manager is new and he does not know me well enough to rate me properly! She also advised me my improvement plan. One of the action items in the plan was that I should escalate issues that I think would affect my performance, well in advance or at least on time. Two weeks later, I encountered an issue that I had to escalate to my manager. My manager is a very angry person. I've heard about this behavior of my manager from other people also. When I went to escalate the issue, he was angry for some reason (unknown to me) and he yelled at me and called me mean names. Since I knew that I cannot change another person's reaction to a situation and I knew that the HR personnel will only support him even if I complain about him, I decided to let the issue die in my mind and move on to some other unit within the same company. After the incident, I noticed that my manager always avoided and ignored me. When I was leaving the project, the same HR person wanted to know the reason and hence I had to explain to her what ever had happened. After hearing all the mean names that the manager called me, she said that the manager must have said all that in a fit of anger but I was being unprofessional by seeking other opportunities. She also blamed me for breaking the verbal commitments that I made before (I had committed that I will stay in the project for a year when I joined the project. I had only completed 9 months while I was leaving). I left it to her to think whatever she wanted to regarding this matter and I moved out of that project. And before I moved out, the manager told me that he will not talk to me again :)! (But of course, I burned the bridge, that I did not want to do.) The HR person told me that she will make some confidential notes about me in the HR records that will not be shown to me but will be given to my next manager! I'm not concerned about the confidential notes that she would write about me because I know that I have not done anything wrong. But I'm surprised about the HR's and the manager's behavior. Since my next appraisal time is coming up I would like to know from a third person (I always feel that I wasn’t wrong) if I were wrong/unprofessional in dealing with this situation? If my current manager mentions about this incident, can I confidently give my explanations about this matter?
From India, Pune
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Hi,
My personal views are:
1) Fit of anger or not, nobody should accept verbal abuse from anyone.
2) A sensible manager will also apologize for his behavior. At which point, it would make sense to remain with the project.
3) If the next manager asks about the incident, be open about it. Make sure that your side, viz. abuse, is shown as it is.
4) When you resign and move to your next job, recommend that your HR manager read the book "First Break All the Rules" by Curt Coffman and Marcus Buckingham. Also, recommend "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman. :)
5) When you make a verbal commitment to staying in a project, I am sure that abuse is not something that you agreed to as part of the deal. :D Please reiterate this.
6) They will probably make comments in your file that you don't like authority or you are not a team player or you don't like to take instructions. Don't get hassled over it.
It's called standing up for yourself - because no one else will if you don't. I'm sure you don't want to add "human doormat" to your skill sets. :wink:
Above all, don't lose your cool. You can always find something better.
I would be interested to know how your appraisal turns out. You could write to me separately if you wish.
Regards,
Ryan
From India, Mumbai
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90My personal views are:
1) Fit of anger or not, nobody should accept verbal abuse from anyone.
2) A sensible manager will also apologize for his behavior. At which point, it would make sense to remain with the project.
3) If the next manager asks about the incident, be open about it. Make sure that your side, viz. abuse, is shown as it is.
4) When you resign and move to your next job, recommend that your HR manager read the book "First Break All the Rules" by Curt Coffman and Marcus Buckingham. Also, recommend "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman. :)
5) When you make a verbal commitment to staying in a project, I am sure that abuse is not something that you agreed to as part of the deal. :D Please reiterate this.
6) They will probably make comments in your file that you don't like authority or you are not a team player or you don't like to take instructions. Don't get hassled over it.
It's called standing up for yourself - because no one else will if you don't. I'm sure you don't want to add "human doormat" to your skill sets. :wink:
Above all, don't lose your cool. You can always find something better.
I would be interested to know how your appraisal turns out. You could write to me separately if you wish.
Regards,
Ryan
From India, Mumbai
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Thank you very much, Ryan, for your reply. I would have let you know separately how my appraisal turns out. How can I inform you? I cannot send a private message because I'm a new member :) Once again, thank you for your reply and your time.
From India, Pune
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From India, Pune
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Hi,
I agree with Ryan. Verbal abuse is not acceptable under any circumstances. Control over one's temper and words is very important and necessary in such a situation; please do not ever retaliate in the same fashion.
I agree with your opinion of approaching your HR team and trying to move out of the current profile. Basically, sensitization of the manager and the HR personnel is required. Carry out your responsibilities to the best of your abilities, conduct yourself with dignity at all times, and finally move on.
Regards, Kalpana
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I agree with Ryan. Verbal abuse is not acceptable under any circumstances. Control over one's temper and words is very important and necessary in such a situation; please do not ever retaliate in the same fashion.
I agree with your opinion of approaching your HR team and trying to move out of the current profile. Basically, sensitization of the manager and the HR personnel is required. Carry out your responsibilities to the best of your abilities, conduct yourself with dignity at all times, and finally move on.
Regards, Kalpana
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