How To Deal With A Difficult Boss By Tristan Loo
Summary: Bosses and supervisors aren't from another planet, but sometimes they seem to be. If you deal with the boss from hell you know. Conflict between a difficult boss and an employee can be daunting and intimidating. Here are some tips to help you deal with difficult bosses and supervisors.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Most people at some point in their lives have to deal with a difficult boss. Difficult supervisors vary in personality from being a little pushy or rude, all the way to being downright abusive. Many people feel that an abusive boss has control of their personal life outside of work by lowering their self-esteem and making them live in constant fear. The role of a supervisor sometimes attracts certain controlling-type personalities because they crave the power it gives them and because they lack such control in their own personal lives. A supervisor has complete control over your most basic human needs—your ability to put food on the table and a roof over your head. These are powerful motivating factors that allow a difficult supervisor to control people out of fear of losing these basic needs. We may not be able to always correct their behavior, but we should never have to live in fear and let our difficult boss control our lives.
Here are some strategies on handling a difficult boss situation.
1. Always have a plan B. Most people are scared about having a discussion with their boss concerning their abusive behavior because they fear reprimand or losing their job as a result of it. Their fear is usually justified if the supervisor is a control-freak and feels that their subordinate is threatening their control. Before you deal with any type of conflict, you always need to have a plan B in case things don’t work out. A plan B is the best alternative that you can come up without having to negotiate anything with your boss. In this type of scenario, your best plan B would probably take the form of having an actual job offer in hand with another employer before you have your talk. By not having a back-up plan, you have given your abusive boss even more leverage over you because they know you have no where else to go. Having a plan B, however, empowers you with the ability to walk-away at any time should the negotiation not go right. Increase your power and have a plan B before you deal with the conflict.
2. Never react to verbal abuse or harsh criticism with emotion. This will always get you into more trouble than you started with because it will become a war between egos and chances are good that your boss has a bigger ego than you have—hence why he is difficult in the first place. When a personal attack is made on you, they are trying to bait you into reacting emotionally because once you react, you become an easy target for additional attacks. The key then is not to react, but to acknowledge and move on. By doing this, you effectively strip all of the power behind their verbal attacks away from your abusive boss, without creating conflict. If your boss happens to be an intimidator or a control freak, then the best way of dealing with their behavior is to remain calm and acknowledge their power by saying, "You're right, I'm sorry." By saying this, you take away any chance of them lashing back at you because you have sidestepped their verbal attack rather than meeting it head on.
3. Discuss rather than confront. When your boss criticizes you, don’t react out of emotion and become confrontational with them about it because that just breeds more conflict. Instead, use their criticism as a topic for discussion on interests, goals, and problem-solving and ask them for their advice. If they criticize your work, then that means that they have their own idea on how that work should be done, so ask them for their advice on how your work can be improved.
4. Manage the manager. A source of conflict usually occurs when a group of employees gets a new manager who demands that things run differently. These changes are usually reactionary in nature because the employees go about their regular duties until the manager comes by and criticizes the way it is being done. Instead of waiting for their criticism, take a proactive approach and be absolutely clear from the very beginning on how your boss wants things to be done so that there is no miscommunication later on. There are many ways of completing a task and having a discussion about them at the very beginning will allow you to see things from their perspective as well as sharing your own with them. Get to know their likes and dislikes inside and out so that you can avoid future criticisms.
5. Know that you can do little to change them. Being a difficult person is part of their personality and therefore it is a very difficult, if not impossible thing to change in a supervisor, so don’t think that you can change how they act. Instead, change the way that you view their behavior. Don’t label them as being a jerk--just merely label them as your boss. By avoiding derogatory labeling, you avoid making it easy on yourself to be angry with your boss.
Stop Creating Conflict
It's better to prevent unnecessary conflict than to manage conflict once the flames have started. Click here to preview Conflict Prevention In The Workplace - Using Cooperative Communication
6. Keep your professional face on. Know the difference between not liking your boss and not being professional. You don’t have to make your boss your friend or even like your boss as a person, but you do have to remain professional and get the job done and carry out their instructions dutifully as a subordinate, just as you would expect them to be professional as do their duties as a supervisor.
7. Evaluate your own performance. Before you go attacking your boss, examine your own performance and ask yourself if you are doing everything right. Get opinions from other coworkers about your performance and see if there is any warrant to the criticisms of your supervisor before you criticize their opinions.
8. Gather additional support. If others share in your concern, then you have the power of numbers behind you to give you additional persuasion power over your boss. It is often easy for a supervisor to ignore or attack one employee, but it becomes more difficult to attack all of his employees. He might be able to fire one of you, but he will look like an idiot (and probably get fired himself) if he tries to fire all of you. An interdepartment union is a good way of mustering power against an abusive employer.
9. Don’t go to up the chain of command unless it’s a last resort. Going straight up the chain of command is not an effective way of dealing with a difficult supervisor because it only increases conflict in the workplace. Your immediate supervisor will consider this a very serious backstabbing maneuver and might seek some sort of retribution in the future against you and your career. Also, other people in your workplace might brand you as a whistleblower because of your actions. Try to discuss issues with your supervisor first and only go up the chain of command as a last resort.
Stop Letting Conflict Control YOU
Learn to manage conflict by "using your head", rather than your heart. Find out about pro's and con's of different conflict methods. Click here to preview Using Your Head to Manage Conflict Helpcard.
10. Encourage good behavior with praise. It is easy to criticize your superiors, but criticisms often lead towards resentment and hostile feelings. Everyone likes a pat on the back for good behavior, so you should strive to watch for good behaviors from your supervisor and compliment them on that. Proactive praising is much more effective than reactive criticisms.
11. Document everything. If you choose to stay with a toxic employer, then document everything. This will become your main ammunition should a complaint ever be filed down the road. Document interactions with them as well as your own activities so that you can remind them of your own achievements at performance review time.
12. Leave work at work. Get into the habit of leaving work at home and not bringing it into your personal life because that will only add to your level of stress. Keep your professional life separate from your personal life as best as you can. This also includes having friends who you don’t work with so that you can detach yourself from your work life rather than bringing it home with you.
Tristan Loo is an experienced negotiator and an expert in conflict resolution. He uses his law enforcement experience to train others in the prinicples of defusing conflict and reaching agreements. Visit his website at http://www.streetnegotiation.com
From India, Mumbai
49Summary: Bosses and supervisors aren't from another planet, but sometimes they seem to be. If you deal with the boss from hell you know. Conflict between a difficult boss and an employee can be daunting and intimidating. Here are some tips to help you deal with difficult bosses and supervisors.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Most people at some point in their lives have to deal with a difficult boss. Difficult supervisors vary in personality from being a little pushy or rude, all the way to being downright abusive. Many people feel that an abusive boss has control of their personal life outside of work by lowering their self-esteem and making them live in constant fear. The role of a supervisor sometimes attracts certain controlling-type personalities because they crave the power it gives them and because they lack such control in their own personal lives. A supervisor has complete control over your most basic human needs—your ability to put food on the table and a roof over your head. These are powerful motivating factors that allow a difficult supervisor to control people out of fear of losing these basic needs. We may not be able to always correct their behavior, but we should never have to live in fear and let our difficult boss control our lives.
Here are some strategies on handling a difficult boss situation.
1. Always have a plan B. Most people are scared about having a discussion with their boss concerning their abusive behavior because they fear reprimand or losing their job as a result of it. Their fear is usually justified if the supervisor is a control-freak and feels that their subordinate is threatening their control. Before you deal with any type of conflict, you always need to have a plan B in case things don’t work out. A plan B is the best alternative that you can come up without having to negotiate anything with your boss. In this type of scenario, your best plan B would probably take the form of having an actual job offer in hand with another employer before you have your talk. By not having a back-up plan, you have given your abusive boss even more leverage over you because they know you have no where else to go. Having a plan B, however, empowers you with the ability to walk-away at any time should the negotiation not go right. Increase your power and have a plan B before you deal with the conflict.
2. Never react to verbal abuse or harsh criticism with emotion. This will always get you into more trouble than you started with because it will become a war between egos and chances are good that your boss has a bigger ego than you have—hence why he is difficult in the first place. When a personal attack is made on you, they are trying to bait you into reacting emotionally because once you react, you become an easy target for additional attacks. The key then is not to react, but to acknowledge and move on. By doing this, you effectively strip all of the power behind their verbal attacks away from your abusive boss, without creating conflict. If your boss happens to be an intimidator or a control freak, then the best way of dealing with their behavior is to remain calm and acknowledge their power by saying, "You're right, I'm sorry." By saying this, you take away any chance of them lashing back at you because you have sidestepped their verbal attack rather than meeting it head on.
3. Discuss rather than confront. When your boss criticizes you, don’t react out of emotion and become confrontational with them about it because that just breeds more conflict. Instead, use their criticism as a topic for discussion on interests, goals, and problem-solving and ask them for their advice. If they criticize your work, then that means that they have their own idea on how that work should be done, so ask them for their advice on how your work can be improved.
4. Manage the manager. A source of conflict usually occurs when a group of employees gets a new manager who demands that things run differently. These changes are usually reactionary in nature because the employees go about their regular duties until the manager comes by and criticizes the way it is being done. Instead of waiting for their criticism, take a proactive approach and be absolutely clear from the very beginning on how your boss wants things to be done so that there is no miscommunication later on. There are many ways of completing a task and having a discussion about them at the very beginning will allow you to see things from their perspective as well as sharing your own with them. Get to know their likes and dislikes inside and out so that you can avoid future criticisms.
5. Know that you can do little to change them. Being a difficult person is part of their personality and therefore it is a very difficult, if not impossible thing to change in a supervisor, so don’t think that you can change how they act. Instead, change the way that you view their behavior. Don’t label them as being a jerk--just merely label them as your boss. By avoiding derogatory labeling, you avoid making it easy on yourself to be angry with your boss.
Stop Creating Conflict
It's better to prevent unnecessary conflict than to manage conflict once the flames have started. Click here to preview Conflict Prevention In The Workplace - Using Cooperative Communication
6. Keep your professional face on. Know the difference between not liking your boss and not being professional. You don’t have to make your boss your friend or even like your boss as a person, but you do have to remain professional and get the job done and carry out their instructions dutifully as a subordinate, just as you would expect them to be professional as do their duties as a supervisor.
7. Evaluate your own performance. Before you go attacking your boss, examine your own performance and ask yourself if you are doing everything right. Get opinions from other coworkers about your performance and see if there is any warrant to the criticisms of your supervisor before you criticize their opinions.
8. Gather additional support. If others share in your concern, then you have the power of numbers behind you to give you additional persuasion power over your boss. It is often easy for a supervisor to ignore or attack one employee, but it becomes more difficult to attack all of his employees. He might be able to fire one of you, but he will look like an idiot (and probably get fired himself) if he tries to fire all of you. An interdepartment union is a good way of mustering power against an abusive employer.
9. Don’t go to up the chain of command unless it’s a last resort. Going straight up the chain of command is not an effective way of dealing with a difficult supervisor because it only increases conflict in the workplace. Your immediate supervisor will consider this a very serious backstabbing maneuver and might seek some sort of retribution in the future against you and your career. Also, other people in your workplace might brand you as a whistleblower because of your actions. Try to discuss issues with your supervisor first and only go up the chain of command as a last resort.
Stop Letting Conflict Control YOU
Learn to manage conflict by "using your head", rather than your heart. Find out about pro's and con's of different conflict methods. Click here to preview Using Your Head to Manage Conflict Helpcard.
10. Encourage good behavior with praise. It is easy to criticize your superiors, but criticisms often lead towards resentment and hostile feelings. Everyone likes a pat on the back for good behavior, so you should strive to watch for good behaviors from your supervisor and compliment them on that. Proactive praising is much more effective than reactive criticisms.
11. Document everything. If you choose to stay with a toxic employer, then document everything. This will become your main ammunition should a complaint ever be filed down the road. Document interactions with them as well as your own activities so that you can remind them of your own achievements at performance review time.
12. Leave work at work. Get into the habit of leaving work at home and not bringing it into your personal life because that will only add to your level of stress. Keep your professional life separate from your personal life as best as you can. This also includes having friends who you don’t work with so that you can detach yourself from your work life rather than bringing it home with you.
Tristan Loo is an experienced negotiator and an expert in conflict resolution. He uses his law enforcement experience to train others in the prinicples of defusing conflict and reaching agreements. Visit his website at http://www.streetnegotiation.com
From India, Mumbai
Learning to cope with a `toxic boss'
One study says 70 per cent of us work for one Streep character
in current movie familiar to many
Jul. 15, 2006. 01:00 AM
AMY JOYCE
SPECIAL TO THE STAR
WASHINGTON—She called her new assistant by the wrong name and didn't care. Her coffee had to be on her desk first thing — hot — or else. She didn't want to hear an excuse, she just wanted it done. No matter what "it" was.
Thus are the traits of the devil boss in the movie The Devil Wears Prada. Walking out of the theatre, I could hear people murmuring about how they had had a boss like that.
Not a week goes by without emails from readers lamenting awful bosses who leave them cowering in a corner, weakened on weekends and wishing for a new job.
We can't escape the boss-as-devil, even if we don't (currently) have one ourselves.
Just think of all the horrid fictional bosses, past and present: Ari Gold in Entourage, the crass, offensive, demanding agent whose loyal assistant, Lloyd, is beaten down episode after episode. Mr. Dithers, the abusive boss in the comic strip Blondie. Montgomery Burns of The Simpsons, evil as evil can be. Horrendous Scrooge from Dickens' novel. And don't forget Darth Vader — not only an evil boss, but also a loud breather.
Just how prevalent are evil bosses? A Monster poll says 70 per cent of workers think they have a "toxic boss." Ken Siegel, an organizational consultant and psychologist, said evil bosses keep his profession alive. Siegel typically coaches executives who find it difficult to manage people.
"They are extraordinarily well-represented in the managerial ranks," he said. "Most devil bosses are relatively unaware of how they affect the people around them. That provides them with well-grounded excuses of their errant ways.''
The most common excuse: Fear can be a motivator. Well, yeah, it can, but that doesn't mean you end up with great employees.
Most bosses who are feared by their employees have mastered the art of "managing up," Siegel said. Those are the people who are able to align their beliefs and values with those of their bosses and present themselves as a representative of their people. But they aren't. They are good followers and will do anything to please those above them.
"People don't quit companies. They quit people," Siegel said, noting that quitting is the easiest and best way to take some power back from a boss.
The AFL-CIO is holding a "My Bad Boss Contest" at http://workingamerica.org <link updated to site home> , where people can post their boss horror stories. One entry describes a boss at a dental practice who charged his employees for not coming to work on Sept. 11, 2001, even though the patients all cancelled their appointments. Another wrote about a gambling boss whose habit meant he sometimes couldn't pay his employees. One Friday, he presented an employee with slot machine payout slips. The worker had to drive to a casino to cash out.
But sometimes the overtly evil boss isn't as bad as the managers who are too laid back to motivate anyone or the passive-aggressive bosses. At least with the overtly evil boss, "you always know where you stand," said William Krug, professor of organizational leadership at Purdue University.
"Basically, you can learn to live with them. If it's a consistent personality, you learn how to approach them, how to present ideas to them, what their hot buttons are so you know how to stay away from them.''
Krug recalled a screamer boss he once had: "At least he was a consistent screamer. I knew when to approach him or not.''
Krug categorizes bad bosses into four types: controllers, analyzers, promoters and supporters.
Controllers are demanding and insist things be done their way; analyzers like a lot of information but have trouble making decisions; promoters are enthusiastic, dislike detail, make quick decisions but often lack follow-up; and supporters are seen as the "nice" bosses who consider their workers' feelings but can be taken advantage of.
Workers can use this information to figure out how to handle a bad boss, Krug said.
Sure, in a perfect world, we wouldn't have to figure out when to tiptoe into the boss' office or think through how to approach them with a new idea. In a perfect world, everyone would be, well, perfect. That won't happen.
As demanding as The Devil's boss Miranda Priestly (portrayed by fabulous Meryl Streep) is, notice that her new assistant Andy (Anne Hathaway) isn't the perfect employee, either. Andy makes some obvious mistakes, some that would incur the wrath of the most cuddly boss.
Is Priestly (supposedly modeled after Vogue magazine editor Anna Wintour) a horrid boss? Demanding, sure. Lacking any sense of generosity, oh yeah. An over-the-top meanie? Pretty much.
But what about Andy? Interviewing, in a sloppy outfit, at a magazine she didn't even read first? A magazine run by a famous editor of whom she knew not a thing?
Andy complains that she isn't praised for the good work she does but is slammed when she messes up. But we must remember that we're hired because we are expected to be the best fit for the job — not because a potential boss thinks we'll do okay every now and then.
Of course, a good leader understands which employee might need a little praise to be motivated, Krug said. But finding that kind of perfect boss is probably as difficult as locating a perfect employee.
Andy is told several times that a million girls would die for her job. Because it could lead to the career they wanted, they would put up with the boss who makes unbearable requests.
But why put up with an unbearable boss if the job won't lead to what one truly wants to do? Or better yet, could one put up with a bad boss if it meant being in an industry one loved?
"Here's to jobs that pay the rent," Andy and her friends toast.
But Andy discovers there's a little more to the career than rent-paying. And she figures out whether to put up with the devil boss or to find a gig that better suits her aspirations.
From the Washington Post
From India, Mumbai
One study says 70 per cent of us work for one Streep character
in current movie familiar to many
Jul. 15, 2006. 01:00 AM
AMY JOYCE
SPECIAL TO THE STAR
WASHINGTON—She called her new assistant by the wrong name and didn't care. Her coffee had to be on her desk first thing — hot — or else. She didn't want to hear an excuse, she just wanted it done. No matter what "it" was.
Thus are the traits of the devil boss in the movie The Devil Wears Prada. Walking out of the theatre, I could hear people murmuring about how they had had a boss like that.
Not a week goes by without emails from readers lamenting awful bosses who leave them cowering in a corner, weakened on weekends and wishing for a new job.
We can't escape the boss-as-devil, even if we don't (currently) have one ourselves.
Just think of all the horrid fictional bosses, past and present: Ari Gold in Entourage, the crass, offensive, demanding agent whose loyal assistant, Lloyd, is beaten down episode after episode. Mr. Dithers, the abusive boss in the comic strip Blondie. Montgomery Burns of The Simpsons, evil as evil can be. Horrendous Scrooge from Dickens' novel. And don't forget Darth Vader — not only an evil boss, but also a loud breather.
Just how prevalent are evil bosses? A Monster poll says 70 per cent of workers think they have a "toxic boss." Ken Siegel, an organizational consultant and psychologist, said evil bosses keep his profession alive. Siegel typically coaches executives who find it difficult to manage people.
"They are extraordinarily well-represented in the managerial ranks," he said. "Most devil bosses are relatively unaware of how they affect the people around them. That provides them with well-grounded excuses of their errant ways.''
The most common excuse: Fear can be a motivator. Well, yeah, it can, but that doesn't mean you end up with great employees.
Most bosses who are feared by their employees have mastered the art of "managing up," Siegel said. Those are the people who are able to align their beliefs and values with those of their bosses and present themselves as a representative of their people. But they aren't. They are good followers and will do anything to please those above them.
"People don't quit companies. They quit people," Siegel said, noting that quitting is the easiest and best way to take some power back from a boss.
The AFL-CIO is holding a "My Bad Boss Contest" at http://workingamerica.org <link updated to site home> , where people can post their boss horror stories. One entry describes a boss at a dental practice who charged his employees for not coming to work on Sept. 11, 2001, even though the patients all cancelled their appointments. Another wrote about a gambling boss whose habit meant he sometimes couldn't pay his employees. One Friday, he presented an employee with slot machine payout slips. The worker had to drive to a casino to cash out.
But sometimes the overtly evil boss isn't as bad as the managers who are too laid back to motivate anyone or the passive-aggressive bosses. At least with the overtly evil boss, "you always know where you stand," said William Krug, professor of organizational leadership at Purdue University.
"Basically, you can learn to live with them. If it's a consistent personality, you learn how to approach them, how to present ideas to them, what their hot buttons are so you know how to stay away from them.''
Krug recalled a screamer boss he once had: "At least he was a consistent screamer. I knew when to approach him or not.''
Krug categorizes bad bosses into four types: controllers, analyzers, promoters and supporters.
Controllers are demanding and insist things be done their way; analyzers like a lot of information but have trouble making decisions; promoters are enthusiastic, dislike detail, make quick decisions but often lack follow-up; and supporters are seen as the "nice" bosses who consider their workers' feelings but can be taken advantage of.
Workers can use this information to figure out how to handle a bad boss, Krug said.
Sure, in a perfect world, we wouldn't have to figure out when to tiptoe into the boss' office or think through how to approach them with a new idea. In a perfect world, everyone would be, well, perfect. That won't happen.
As demanding as The Devil's boss Miranda Priestly (portrayed by fabulous Meryl Streep) is, notice that her new assistant Andy (Anne Hathaway) isn't the perfect employee, either. Andy makes some obvious mistakes, some that would incur the wrath of the most cuddly boss.
Is Priestly (supposedly modeled after Vogue magazine editor Anna Wintour) a horrid boss? Demanding, sure. Lacking any sense of generosity, oh yeah. An over-the-top meanie? Pretty much.
But what about Andy? Interviewing, in a sloppy outfit, at a magazine she didn't even read first? A magazine run by a famous editor of whom she knew not a thing?
Andy complains that she isn't praised for the good work she does but is slammed when she messes up. But we must remember that we're hired because we are expected to be the best fit for the job — not because a potential boss thinks we'll do okay every now and then.
Of course, a good leader understands which employee might need a little praise to be motivated, Krug said. But finding that kind of perfect boss is probably as difficult as locating a perfect employee.
Andy is told several times that a million girls would die for her job. Because it could lead to the career they wanted, they would put up with the boss who makes unbearable requests.
But why put up with an unbearable boss if the job won't lead to what one truly wants to do? Or better yet, could one put up with a bad boss if it meant being in an industry one loved?
"Here's to jobs that pay the rent," Andy and her friends toast.
But Andy discovers there's a little more to the career than rent-paying. And she figures out whether to put up with the devil boss or to find a gig that better suits her aspirations.
From the Washington Post
From India, Mumbai
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