Hi all,
I am working in an IT firm. We are a group of three, including our head who sits next to me. Basically, the three of us share a single cabin.
Often, my colleague behaves as described below:
1) She asks me to make calls. For example, if she wants something from the canteen, she asks me to ask for it from the cafeteria guy. Although I suggest she make the call herself, she insists by saying, "Please, I'm doing something very important, so please do it for me." Since she is my colleague, you all must be aware that we share some office gossip and family discussions.
Returning to the topic, she has a phone beside her table but never uses it, saying, "Please, if you have a phone, can you make the call?" This is her daily routine. Sometimes I help her, sometimes I resist and ignore. My problem is that my head is sitting beside both of us. How should I respond in this situation?
2) She often asks me to do her unimportant work, like stapling materials or handouts, sending mailers on her behalf, and other tasks she considers a waste of her time. She wants to focus on more important tasks. I am the type of person who does not depend on others for my work. I complete my responsibilities on my own, but she tries to delegate unnecessary work to me.
3) Many times, our boss has indirectly pointed out that she always gets her work done through me, but she smiles and thanks me. She never gives me the opportunity to ask for any favors, always appearing busy.
4) Saturday working is another issue for her. If it's my work, I don't have any problem with coming in on a Saturday. However, she tries to skip it and asks our head to assign her work to me, claiming she has other important tasks at home or is unwell.
I think I have tried my best to explain the dilemma I am going through. It would be greatly appreciated if you could provide some solutions or advice on how to handle these situations.
Please keep in mind that we have a common boss sitting next to us, sharing the same cabin.
From India, New Delhi
I am working in an IT firm. We are a group of three, including our head who sits next to me. Basically, the three of us share a single cabin.
Often, my colleague behaves as described below:
1) She asks me to make calls. For example, if she wants something from the canteen, she asks me to ask for it from the cafeteria guy. Although I suggest she make the call herself, she insists by saying, "Please, I'm doing something very important, so please do it for me." Since she is my colleague, you all must be aware that we share some office gossip and family discussions.
Returning to the topic, she has a phone beside her table but never uses it, saying, "Please, if you have a phone, can you make the call?" This is her daily routine. Sometimes I help her, sometimes I resist and ignore. My problem is that my head is sitting beside both of us. How should I respond in this situation?
2) She often asks me to do her unimportant work, like stapling materials or handouts, sending mailers on her behalf, and other tasks she considers a waste of her time. She wants to focus on more important tasks. I am the type of person who does not depend on others for my work. I complete my responsibilities on my own, but she tries to delegate unnecessary work to me.
3) Many times, our boss has indirectly pointed out that she always gets her work done through me, but she smiles and thanks me. She never gives me the opportunity to ask for any favors, always appearing busy.
4) Saturday working is another issue for her. If it's my work, I don't have any problem with coming in on a Saturday. However, she tries to skip it and asks our head to assign her work to me, claiming she has other important tasks at home or is unwell.
I think I have tried my best to explain the dilemma I am going through. It would be greatly appreciated if you could provide some solutions or advice on how to handle these situations.
Please keep in mind that we have a common boss sitting next to us, sharing the same cabin.
From India, New Delhi
Hi dear,
The way you have described your problem shows that you are really facing a problem and getting frustrated and irritated. Don't worry about your boss. As you have said that you have a common boss, and they have also indirectly warned her not to delegate her work to you, that shows that your boss is in your favor.
To my mind, you should discuss the same with her and simply say 'NO' if she asks to do unnecessary work. Helping colleagues is different, and the way she is behaving is different. Some people are there who want to show that they are smart, but in reality, they are totally empty inside. I would say one sentence, "BE PROFESSIONAL, keep aside your personal relation with her and say 'NO' if you really think that she is irritating you. Sometimes we have to learn to say 'NO.'
Regards, Chaitali
From India, Vadodara
The way you have described your problem shows that you are really facing a problem and getting frustrated and irritated. Don't worry about your boss. As you have said that you have a common boss, and they have also indirectly warned her not to delegate her work to you, that shows that your boss is in your favor.
To my mind, you should discuss the same with her and simply say 'NO' if she asks to do unnecessary work. Helping colleagues is different, and the way she is behaving is different. Some people are there who want to show that they are smart, but in reality, they are totally empty inside. I would say one sentence, "BE PROFESSIONAL, keep aside your personal relation with her and say 'NO' if you really think that she is irritating you. Sometimes we have to learn to say 'NO.'
Regards, Chaitali
From India, Vadodara
Hi,
I faced the same problem. You know what I did? I just laid back and brought my performance to the bare minimum. I kept on creating crises if there were none. I made my boss and colleagues run around and made them do all the firefighting.
Now the situation is that my head's complaints have reached the top, and management has called her in to inquire why there is a sudden drop in performance and why she is finding it difficult to firefight.
Meanwhile, I created my own league of loyal friends and colleagues in other departments. I never told them my problems but made a point to convey that I am unable to perform because of another HR colleague. I suggested that if I was allowed to perform well, then I could have solved a particular problem they had. I sometimes gave them tips on how to get things done.
I did this, and now I have managed to get one of my colleagues out of the company.
Play with the mind, be like an undercurrent. Create problems, but stay behind the curtain.
From India, Mumbai
I faced the same problem. You know what I did? I just laid back and brought my performance to the bare minimum. I kept on creating crises if there were none. I made my boss and colleagues run around and made them do all the firefighting.
Now the situation is that my head's complaints have reached the top, and management has called her in to inquire why there is a sudden drop in performance and why she is finding it difficult to firefight.
Meanwhile, I created my own league of loyal friends and colleagues in other departments. I never told them my problems but made a point to convey that I am unable to perform because of another HR colleague. I suggested that if I was allowed to perform well, then I could have solved a particular problem they had. I sometimes gave them tips on how to get things done.
I did this, and now I have managed to get one of my colleagues out of the company.
Play with the mind, be like an undercurrent. Create problems, but stay behind the curtain.
From India, Mumbai
Dear,
I feel that there are emotional imbalances with your feelings. You can overcome them.
IF YOU RESIST ANYTHING, IT WILL PERSIST.
OPPOSITE VALUES ARE COMPLEMENTARY. ACCEPT THE PERSON AND CIRCUMSTANCES AS THEY ARE.
Please go through the above; it will relieve your stress.
Regards
From India, Bangalore
I feel that there are emotional imbalances with your feelings. You can overcome them.
IF YOU RESIST ANYTHING, IT WILL PERSIST.
OPPOSITE VALUES ARE COMPLEMENTARY. ACCEPT THE PERSON AND CIRCUMSTANCES AS THEY ARE.
Please go through the above; it will relieve your stress.
Regards
From India, Bangalore
Hi Chaitali,
Thank you very much. Yes, I agree I should be able to say "no" to her. This is the only option I have. I know I have to say "no," but can you please shed some light on what manner I should say so?
Regards,
Niti
From India, New Delhi
Thank you very much. Yes, I agree I should be able to say "no" to her. This is the only option I have. I know I have to say "no," but can you please shed some light on what manner I should say so?
Regards,
Niti
From India, New Delhi
Hi Vaidhee,
Very rightly said, "IF YOU RESIST ANYTHING, IT WILL PERSIST." I was trying to avoid saying "no" to her, but now I can't take this situation anymore. So, I have to take a step ahead. Let's see what happens. Tomorrow, I will follow through with this and will tell you guys how things are working now.
I hope this helps!
From India, New Delhi
Very rightly said, "IF YOU RESIST ANYTHING, IT WILL PERSIST." I was trying to avoid saying "no" to her, but now I can't take this situation anymore. So, I have to take a step ahead. Let's see what happens. Tomorrow, I will follow through with this and will tell you guys how things are working now.
I hope this helps!
From India, New Delhi
Hello Niti:
I agree I should be able to say "no" to her...this is the only option I have. I know I have to say "no"...but can you please throw some light on what manner I should say so...
Just say "No, you'll have to do it yourself" and do not say anything else. You don't have to justify your refusal. Ignore her when she begins pleading with you. You may have to do this numerous times until she realizes she can no longer control you.
Bob
From United States, Chelsea
I agree I should be able to say "no" to her...this is the only option I have. I know I have to say "no"...but can you please throw some light on what manner I should say so...
Just say "No, you'll have to do it yourself" and do not say anything else. You don't have to justify your refusal. Ignore her when she begins pleading with you. You may have to do this numerous times until she realizes she can no longer control you.
Bob
From United States, Chelsea
Hi Niti,
See depends on the situation take action, see these 5 formulas will work out…
1) Some times say, “No” diplomatically.
2) If she says, plzzzzzz I have some urgent work. You say, I too have some urgent work, if i spare my time on this work my work will get pending so I cannot plzzzzzzzzzz don’t feel bad other wise plzzzzzzzzzz plzzzzzzz ok plzzzzzzzz. (Your acting should be over acting... OK)
3) If she assign you the work on the day (e.g: Saturday), accept but don’t do it. Next day if she asks, tell her Hoooo!!!!!! Sorry I was totally busy in my work and I could not do your work. Plzzzzzzzzzz sorryyyyyyyy plzzzzzzzzzzzz. (Your face impression should inform her…… she had been fooled by you).
4) Start assigning your work to her (I know you are doing all your work on your own, as said above) more than she assigned you till now. Hear your intention is not get work done by her……. But…….. But……. To “Irritate her”. Hear while assigning repeatedly use the word sorry, pls and all…….
5) Formula is ‘Like Cures Like’. How she behave you also start behaving like that only even I would say some times more than her. She is requesting you also request……. So that nothing scene should be created…..
Regards,
Arvind
From India, Bangalore
See depends on the situation take action, see these 5 formulas will work out…
1) Some times say, “No” diplomatically.
2) If she says, plzzzzzz I have some urgent work. You say, I too have some urgent work, if i spare my time on this work my work will get pending so I cannot plzzzzzzzzzz don’t feel bad other wise plzzzzzzzzzz plzzzzzzz ok plzzzzzzzz. (Your acting should be over acting... OK)
3) If she assign you the work on the day (e.g: Saturday), accept but don’t do it. Next day if she asks, tell her Hoooo!!!!!! Sorry I was totally busy in my work and I could not do your work. Plzzzzzzzzzz sorryyyyyyyy plzzzzzzzzzzzz. (Your face impression should inform her…… she had been fooled by you).
4) Start assigning your work to her (I know you are doing all your work on your own, as said above) more than she assigned you till now. Hear your intention is not get work done by her……. But…….. But……. To “Irritate her”. Hear while assigning repeatedly use the word sorry, pls and all…….
5) Formula is ‘Like Cures Like’. How she behave you also start behaving like that only even I would say some times more than her. She is requesting you also request……. So that nothing scene should be created…..
Regards,
Arvind
From India, Bangalore
V.practical solution given by Arvind...with dialogues too... :) i.e how to react... Niti: I guess this would definitely work.. Regards, Chaitali.......
From India, Vadodara
From India, Vadodara
Certainly! Here is the corrected text with proper spelling, grammar, punctuation, and paragraph formatting:
---
Please read!! It would be beneficial.
What exactly is The Art of Saying No?
A lot of people just don't like the idea of having to tell people they can't do something. Or they feel obligated when a colleague asks a favor, or feel pressured when someone senior to them needs something done.
There are even some workplaces where saying no is definitely frowned upon, and in, say, the police force, could be a sackable or disciplinary offense.
After having worked for some time with people where saying no either feels impossible or just isn't allowed, we created a body of work to address it. In some cases, it is indeed, how to say no without ever saying the word.
Of course, there are times when saying the 'n' word is a necessity. But in our experience, there is so much anxiety around the possible consequences of using it, that people don't say anything at all, or agree to things they'd rather not, or get landed with work that isn't theirs and so on.
That can't be good for anyone, but especially the person who finds themselves staying late at the end of the day to get their own work done after they've finished everyone else's; or who swallows their resentment when they are 'volunteered' for something they don't want to do; or who quakes at the idea of having to be a bit tougher with a supplier or even someone they manage.
This is one issue we have felt so passionately about that we even wrote a book that deals with it:
The Nice Factor Book (Are you too Nice for your own good?)
This document is going to focus on one aspect of that book, which is about how to say no in a way that's manageable, deals with the difficult feelings, and actually might be some fun. For a more in-depth look, do have a peek at the book.
It's Not Assertiveness
Impact Factory has been running programs on The Art of Saying No for nearly seven years, and we are often asked what the difference is between our work and assertiveness training. The reason we've been asked this is that assertiveness training has been around for some time, and people wonder if this art of saying no business isn't just more of the same.
Well, no it isn't, and here's why.
We believe the very term 'assertiveness' is limiting. For instance, people say you should be assertive rather than aggressive, as if assertiveness is the only way to deal with a difficult situation. It isn't. If you are being attacked or abused, then aggressively fighting back may well be an appropriate thing to do. The key word here is appropriate.
So yes, aggressiveness may be appropriate, assertiveness may be appropriate, but there's a greater range of choice of behavior than those two types that could be equally appropriate.
Before we discuss them, though, we want to talk about some of the things that happen to people when what they think and feel is different from what they do.
Many 'unassertive' people recognize that their pattern of behavior is to be nice or compliant for far longer than they really want to until they reach the point of no longer being able to hold it in; then they explode nastily and inappropriately all over whoever happens to be around.
There are three ways this 'explosion' can happen. The first is that the rage happens inside the head and remains unexpressed. The second is that it is inappropriately expressed, and someone not involved, like a work colleague or secretary or even a bus conductor, becomes the recipient. The third is properly directed at the 'offending party' but is out of all proportion to the probably small, but nonetheless final-straw-event that unleashes it.
Not Nice Not Nasty
This leaves people with the impression that there are only two states or behaviors they can do: Nice or Nasty. When, in fact, they have forgotten a whole range of behavior that lies between Nice and Nasty that can be termed Not-Nice (or even Not-Nasty).
What we've seen with assertiveness is that it is often seen as a single form of behavior: just say no, stand your ground, be a broken record - all quite difficult if you are truly unassertive, or in our jargon - simply too nice for your own good. The concept of asserting yourself, (getting your voice heard, being understood, being taken into account, getting your own way) needs to be broadened to include all forms of behavior. It can include humor, submission, irresponsibility, manipulation, playfulness, aggressiveness, etc.
The key point here is that the behavior - nice, not-nice, nasty - is chosen. We emphasize the word key because until people are able to choose behavior that's free from the limiting effects of their fear of possible consequences, they will not be able to act no matter how well they are taught to be assertive. They will still feel overwhelmed in difficult situations.
Managing Feelings
It needs to be acknowledged that the strong feelings associated with changing behavior are real and valid. Once people do that, then these (usually difficult) feelings can be looked upon as a good thing, a sign that something new is happening. At this point, people can start to 'choose' to have these feelings rather than having to endure them or trying to pretend they are not happening.
The idea of choice is very important. If people feel they have real choice about how they behave, they start to realize that it can be OK to put up with something they don't like. They can choose it because they want to; it is to their advantage. They then avoid the disempowering tyranny of always having to assert themselves. (Which is almost as bad as feeling you always have to be compliant or nice.)
Many people think that in order to be assertive, you need to ignore what you are feeling and just 'stand your ground'. In fact, you ignore those feelings at your peril.
Often the magnitude of peoples' feelings is way out of proportion to what the situation warrants. They may well reflect a previous difficult event more accurately. But because that previous difficulty was so difficult, it feels as though every similar situation will be the same.
It is only by beginning to experience and understand how crippling these feelings can be that people can start to do anything about changing their behavior. Many people know what they could say; they know what they could do. Most 'unassertive' people have conversations in their heads about how to resolve a conflict they're in; but still, their mouths say 'yes', while their heads say 'no'. Knowing what to do or say is not the issue here.
Therefore, in looking at practicing 'the art of saying no', it is wise to broaden the brief so that it isn't about becoming more assertive; rather it's about changing your behavior to fit the circumstances.
While in many circumstances assertiveness can be a straightjacket of its own (often creating resistance and resentment), the full lexicon of behavior can be freeing because there is choice in the matter. Using charm, humor, telling the truth or even deliberate manipulation may well get you what you want without having to attempt behavior that may go against your personality.
If you add a dash of fun or mischief, The Art of Saying No becomes a doable prospect, rather than another difficult mountain to climb.
Saying No
Here are some pointers of what could make it easier to say 'no'.
If you're saying something serious, notice whether you smile or not. Smiling gives a mixed message and weakens the impact of what you're saying.
If someone comes over to your desk and you want to appear more in charge, stand up. This also works when you're on the phone. Standing puts you on even eye level and creates a psychological advantage.
If someone sits down and starts talking to you about what they want, avoid encouraging body language, such as nods and ahas. Keep your body language as still as possible.
Avoid asking questions that would indicate you're interested (such as, 'When do you need it by?' or 'Does it really have to be done by this afternoon?' etc.)
It's all right to interrupt! A favorite technique of ours is to say something along the lines of, 'I'm really sorry; I'm going to interrupt you.' Then use whatever tool fits the situation. If you let someone have their whole say without interrupting, they could get the impression you're interested and willing. All the while they get no message to the contrary, they will think you're on board with their plan (to get you to do whatever...)
Pre-empt. As soon as you see someone bearing down on you (and your heart sinks because you know they're going to ask for something), let them know you know: 'Hi there! I know what you want. You're going to ask me to finish the Henderson report. Wish I could help you out, but I just can't.'
Pre-empt two. Meetings are a great place to get landed with work you don't want. You can see it coming. So to avoid the inevitable, pre-empt, 'I need to let everyone know right at the top that I can't fit anything else into my schedule for the next two weeks (or whatever).'
Any of these little tips can help you feel more confident and will support your new behavior. For that's what this is: If you're someone whom others know they can take advantage of (they may not even be doing it on purpose, you're just an easy mark!) you need to indicate by what you do that things have changed.
Here's an Analogy we use in The Nice Factor Book:
Let's say you're a burglar. There's a row of identical houses, and you're thinking of having a go at five of them. The first house has
From India, Bangalore
---
Please read!! It would be beneficial.
What exactly is The Art of Saying No?
A lot of people just don't like the idea of having to tell people they can't do something. Or they feel obligated when a colleague asks a favor, or feel pressured when someone senior to them needs something done.
There are even some workplaces where saying no is definitely frowned upon, and in, say, the police force, could be a sackable or disciplinary offense.
After having worked for some time with people where saying no either feels impossible or just isn't allowed, we created a body of work to address it. In some cases, it is indeed, how to say no without ever saying the word.
Of course, there are times when saying the 'n' word is a necessity. But in our experience, there is so much anxiety around the possible consequences of using it, that people don't say anything at all, or agree to things they'd rather not, or get landed with work that isn't theirs and so on.
That can't be good for anyone, but especially the person who finds themselves staying late at the end of the day to get their own work done after they've finished everyone else's; or who swallows their resentment when they are 'volunteered' for something they don't want to do; or who quakes at the idea of having to be a bit tougher with a supplier or even someone they manage.
This is one issue we have felt so passionately about that we even wrote a book that deals with it:
The Nice Factor Book (Are you too Nice for your own good?)
This document is going to focus on one aspect of that book, which is about how to say no in a way that's manageable, deals with the difficult feelings, and actually might be some fun. For a more in-depth look, do have a peek at the book.
It's Not Assertiveness
Impact Factory has been running programs on The Art of Saying No for nearly seven years, and we are often asked what the difference is between our work and assertiveness training. The reason we've been asked this is that assertiveness training has been around for some time, and people wonder if this art of saying no business isn't just more of the same.
Well, no it isn't, and here's why.
We believe the very term 'assertiveness' is limiting. For instance, people say you should be assertive rather than aggressive, as if assertiveness is the only way to deal with a difficult situation. It isn't. If you are being attacked or abused, then aggressively fighting back may well be an appropriate thing to do. The key word here is appropriate.
So yes, aggressiveness may be appropriate, assertiveness may be appropriate, but there's a greater range of choice of behavior than those two types that could be equally appropriate.
Before we discuss them, though, we want to talk about some of the things that happen to people when what they think and feel is different from what they do.
Many 'unassertive' people recognize that their pattern of behavior is to be nice or compliant for far longer than they really want to until they reach the point of no longer being able to hold it in; then they explode nastily and inappropriately all over whoever happens to be around.
There are three ways this 'explosion' can happen. The first is that the rage happens inside the head and remains unexpressed. The second is that it is inappropriately expressed, and someone not involved, like a work colleague or secretary or even a bus conductor, becomes the recipient. The third is properly directed at the 'offending party' but is out of all proportion to the probably small, but nonetheless final-straw-event that unleashes it.
Not Nice Not Nasty
This leaves people with the impression that there are only two states or behaviors they can do: Nice or Nasty. When, in fact, they have forgotten a whole range of behavior that lies between Nice and Nasty that can be termed Not-Nice (or even Not-Nasty).
What we've seen with assertiveness is that it is often seen as a single form of behavior: just say no, stand your ground, be a broken record - all quite difficult if you are truly unassertive, or in our jargon - simply too nice for your own good. The concept of asserting yourself, (getting your voice heard, being understood, being taken into account, getting your own way) needs to be broadened to include all forms of behavior. It can include humor, submission, irresponsibility, manipulation, playfulness, aggressiveness, etc.
The key point here is that the behavior - nice, not-nice, nasty - is chosen. We emphasize the word key because until people are able to choose behavior that's free from the limiting effects of their fear of possible consequences, they will not be able to act no matter how well they are taught to be assertive. They will still feel overwhelmed in difficult situations.
Managing Feelings
It needs to be acknowledged that the strong feelings associated with changing behavior are real and valid. Once people do that, then these (usually difficult) feelings can be looked upon as a good thing, a sign that something new is happening. At this point, people can start to 'choose' to have these feelings rather than having to endure them or trying to pretend they are not happening.
The idea of choice is very important. If people feel they have real choice about how they behave, they start to realize that it can be OK to put up with something they don't like. They can choose it because they want to; it is to their advantage. They then avoid the disempowering tyranny of always having to assert themselves. (Which is almost as bad as feeling you always have to be compliant or nice.)
Many people think that in order to be assertive, you need to ignore what you are feeling and just 'stand your ground'. In fact, you ignore those feelings at your peril.
Often the magnitude of peoples' feelings is way out of proportion to what the situation warrants. They may well reflect a previous difficult event more accurately. But because that previous difficulty was so difficult, it feels as though every similar situation will be the same.
It is only by beginning to experience and understand how crippling these feelings can be that people can start to do anything about changing their behavior. Many people know what they could say; they know what they could do. Most 'unassertive' people have conversations in their heads about how to resolve a conflict they're in; but still, their mouths say 'yes', while their heads say 'no'. Knowing what to do or say is not the issue here.
Therefore, in looking at practicing 'the art of saying no', it is wise to broaden the brief so that it isn't about becoming more assertive; rather it's about changing your behavior to fit the circumstances.
While in many circumstances assertiveness can be a straightjacket of its own (often creating resistance and resentment), the full lexicon of behavior can be freeing because there is choice in the matter. Using charm, humor, telling the truth or even deliberate manipulation may well get you what you want without having to attempt behavior that may go against your personality.
If you add a dash of fun or mischief, The Art of Saying No becomes a doable prospect, rather than another difficult mountain to climb.
Saying No
Here are some pointers of what could make it easier to say 'no'.
If you're saying something serious, notice whether you smile or not. Smiling gives a mixed message and weakens the impact of what you're saying.
If someone comes over to your desk and you want to appear more in charge, stand up. This also works when you're on the phone. Standing puts you on even eye level and creates a psychological advantage.
If someone sits down and starts talking to you about what they want, avoid encouraging body language, such as nods and ahas. Keep your body language as still as possible.
Avoid asking questions that would indicate you're interested (such as, 'When do you need it by?' or 'Does it really have to be done by this afternoon?' etc.)
It's all right to interrupt! A favorite technique of ours is to say something along the lines of, 'I'm really sorry; I'm going to interrupt you.' Then use whatever tool fits the situation. If you let someone have their whole say without interrupting, they could get the impression you're interested and willing. All the while they get no message to the contrary, they will think you're on board with their plan (to get you to do whatever...)
Pre-empt. As soon as you see someone bearing down on you (and your heart sinks because you know they're going to ask for something), let them know you know: 'Hi there! I know what you want. You're going to ask me to finish the Henderson report. Wish I could help you out, but I just can't.'
Pre-empt two. Meetings are a great place to get landed with work you don't want. You can see it coming. So to avoid the inevitable, pre-empt, 'I need to let everyone know right at the top that I can't fit anything else into my schedule for the next two weeks (or whatever).'
Any of these little tips can help you feel more confident and will support your new behavior. For that's what this is: If you're someone whom others know they can take advantage of (they may not even be doing it on purpose, you're just an easy mark!) you need to indicate by what you do that things have changed.
Here's an Analogy we use in The Nice Factor Book:
Let's say you're a burglar. There's a row of identical houses, and you're thinking of having a go at five of them. The first house has
From India, Bangalore
Arvind has given a very practical solution. Try it out!!
Also, I would suggest learning the art of saying "No." Many times when we are trying to look good, we end up in a situation like this. When you are nice, others take advantage. That doesn't mean you should stop being nice. Just draw a line and be professional.
As your boss is aware of the situation, I am sure he'll appreciate your newly found assertiveness.
From India, Ahmadabad
Also, I would suggest learning the art of saying "No." Many times when we are trying to look good, we end up in a situation like this. When you are nice, others take advantage. That doesn't mean you should stop being nice. Just draw a line and be professional.
As your boss is aware of the situation, I am sure he'll appreciate your newly found assertiveness.
From India, Ahmadabad
Niti,
First of all, analyze:
(1) Do you want to be in the good graces of your boss by doing work?
(2) You just can't say no to your colleague. She might feel bad, she will be hurt, etc.
Solutions to the above:
(1) Forget that by doing (1) you can create an image of a good person. Provide better and smarter work to be in good standing.
(2) If you can't learn to say 'no', you will have to endure. There is a way to stop her from assigning you work without explicitly saying no. For example, when calling the canteen, order what you want. When filing, arrange the files in a way that requires her to spend more time reorganizing. When clipping, change the order of papers. Show your disapproval to make her understand that she should do her own work rather than delegating it to others.
Can you think of a similar approach for Saturdays?
Regards,
-Hiren
From India, Ahmadabad
First of all, analyze:
(1) Do you want to be in the good graces of your boss by doing work?
(2) You just can't say no to your colleague. She might feel bad, she will be hurt, etc.
Solutions to the above:
(1) Forget that by doing (1) you can create an image of a good person. Provide better and smarter work to be in good standing.
(2) If you can't learn to say 'no', you will have to endure. There is a way to stop her from assigning you work without explicitly saying no. For example, when calling the canteen, order what you want. When filing, arrange the files in a way that requires her to spend more time reorganizing. When clipping, change the order of papers. Show your disapproval to make her understand that she should do her own work rather than delegating it to others.
Can you think of a similar approach for Saturdays?
Regards,
-Hiren
From India, Ahmadabad
Hi,
This problem is faced by many people, whether in personal or professional life. You need to learn to be assertive. You have to say NO in a diplomatic way. You can always say, "I too am busy, it's better if you do it yourself," or "If you feel it is a time-wasting job, why don't you give it to the peon," etc.
You can even discuss this with your superior and seek his guidance, but it is still not advisable. Learn the skill of being assertive to overcome such problems.
Sangeeta 😊
😊
😊
From India, Mumbai
This problem is faced by many people, whether in personal or professional life. You need to learn to be assertive. You have to say NO in a diplomatic way. You can always say, "I too am busy, it's better if you do it yourself," or "If you feel it is a time-wasting job, why don't you give it to the peon," etc.
You can even discuss this with your superior and seek his guidance, but it is still not advisable. Learn the skill of being assertive to overcome such problems.
Sangeeta 😊
😊
😊
From India, Mumbai
Learn the skill of being assertive to overcome such problems.
Sangeeta
---
Assertiveness: How to be more assertive
By Scott Beagrie
Being assertive is simply the ability to stand up for yourself, state your views, tackle issues up front, and, in many cases, stop others from taking advantage.
What is it?
Many people confuse assertiveness with being bossy, overbearing, or aggressive. Being assertive is simply the ability to stand up for yourself, state your views, tackle issues up front, and, in many cases, stop others from taking advantage.
Why is it important?
Lack of assertiveness will inevitably hold you back in your career and personal life. If there are two managers with similar skill sets and experience, it is likely to be the more assertive one who gets promoted. Being persistently overlooked and sidelined will have a dramatic effect not just on your career but your confidence and self-image.
While some individuals are naturally more assertive than others, it is possible to learn assertive behavior which in turn will ensure you are in the frame for new roles and opportunities.
Where do I start?
Be prepared to acknowledge and confront your passive side. Do your opinions frequently go unheard? Have you a problem saying 'no'? Are you too submissive to the boss? Do you find it difficult to set parameters or limits when working with others?
It is important to understand that being assertive is not just about being confident; it is also about understanding others and empathizing. "It is about understanding what different individuals want to achieve and which buttons to press," says Julian Dawson, founder of headhunting firm Durler Consulting. "If you find people being defensive towards you, often it's because they feel threatened by you. In those situations, you have to understand that it's not personal."
What do you want to achieve?
Think about your specific objectives. List the non-assertive behavioral traits you wish to change, along with the desired outcomes of a range of situations. For example, successfully negotiating for more resources or a pay rise, getting your agenda discussed in a meeting, or telling your manager you want to be considered for promotion or a new role.
Speak up for yourself
Rehearse what you want to say in typical scenarios - follow a script if necessary and say it out loud as this will help fix it in your mind. Enlist the help of a colleague or look for a role model (inside or outside the organization) who can act as a coach or mentor.
When you feel confident enough, practice in a real situation, but choose one where the stakes are low. Tailor your script to fit the situation and people - this will help to ensure you come across as assertive rather than pushy.
"Make what you have to say come across as relevant to the particular person you are dealing with and make the importance of what you have to say clear," explains Dawson.
Stay neutral
Keep your emotions in check at all times. To remain credible you must come across as calm, rational, considered, and impartial. Don't assail the other person with aggressive or attacking behavior, but don't appear submissive.
Display appropriate body language - gesticulating wildly will make the other person feel like they are on the ropes and is unlikely to lead to the outcome you want.
Feedback and review
Assess your performance in each situation and even if you haven't achieved the objective every time, learn from your experience and don't get disheartened. Mentors are especially valuable in the post-performance stage. Accept that it will take time. A gradual transition to becoming more assertive is far better than giving the impression that you have had a personality transplant overnight.
JSF
flying.machinerotario.com
From India, Bangalore
Sangeeta
---
Assertiveness: How to be more assertive
By Scott Beagrie
Being assertive is simply the ability to stand up for yourself, state your views, tackle issues up front, and, in many cases, stop others from taking advantage.
What is it?
Many people confuse assertiveness with being bossy, overbearing, or aggressive. Being assertive is simply the ability to stand up for yourself, state your views, tackle issues up front, and, in many cases, stop others from taking advantage.
Why is it important?
Lack of assertiveness will inevitably hold you back in your career and personal life. If there are two managers with similar skill sets and experience, it is likely to be the more assertive one who gets promoted. Being persistently overlooked and sidelined will have a dramatic effect not just on your career but your confidence and self-image.
While some individuals are naturally more assertive than others, it is possible to learn assertive behavior which in turn will ensure you are in the frame for new roles and opportunities.
Where do I start?
Be prepared to acknowledge and confront your passive side. Do your opinions frequently go unheard? Have you a problem saying 'no'? Are you too submissive to the boss? Do you find it difficult to set parameters or limits when working with others?
It is important to understand that being assertive is not just about being confident; it is also about understanding others and empathizing. "It is about understanding what different individuals want to achieve and which buttons to press," says Julian Dawson, founder of headhunting firm Durler Consulting. "If you find people being defensive towards you, often it's because they feel threatened by you. In those situations, you have to understand that it's not personal."
What do you want to achieve?
Think about your specific objectives. List the non-assertive behavioral traits you wish to change, along with the desired outcomes of a range of situations. For example, successfully negotiating for more resources or a pay rise, getting your agenda discussed in a meeting, or telling your manager you want to be considered for promotion or a new role.
Speak up for yourself
Rehearse what you want to say in typical scenarios - follow a script if necessary and say it out loud as this will help fix it in your mind. Enlist the help of a colleague or look for a role model (inside or outside the organization) who can act as a coach or mentor.
When you feel confident enough, practice in a real situation, but choose one where the stakes are low. Tailor your script to fit the situation and people - this will help to ensure you come across as assertive rather than pushy.
"Make what you have to say come across as relevant to the particular person you are dealing with and make the importance of what you have to say clear," explains Dawson.
Stay neutral
Keep your emotions in check at all times. To remain credible you must come across as calm, rational, considered, and impartial. Don't assail the other person with aggressive or attacking behavior, but don't appear submissive.
Display appropriate body language - gesticulating wildly will make the other person feel like they are on the ropes and is unlikely to lead to the outcome you want.
Feedback and review
Assess your performance in each situation and even if you haven't achieved the objective every time, learn from your experience and don't get disheartened. Mentors are especially valuable in the post-performance stage. Accept that it will take time. A gradual transition to becoming more assertive is far better than giving the impression that you have had a personality transplant overnight.
JSF
flying.machinerotario.com
From India, Bangalore
Yes, you should say no to her, but in such a way that it should not feel offensive or harsh. You can indirectly say no to your colleague. There's nothing bad in saying no, and you are not doing anything wrong. Sometimes helping colleagues is one thing, but continuously being a slave to them is not agreeable. Be professional.
Regards, Ajitha
From India, Delhi
Regards, Ajitha
From India, Delhi
Just say with the same smiling face '' Sorry! let me do my work. and continue with your work without listening to her anymore
From India, Delhi
From India, Delhi
At times, I do feel that I should start behaving in such a manner. However, as I wrote, we both have a common boss, and we all share a single cabin. It's like three workstations together, so whatever we talk, we talk in front of our boss. The problem is "saying no in front of our boss to all her silly things."
I will narrate what I did this Saturday. This Saturday, we had a training program, so she was assigned to work for that. But she was to take care of some other recruitment-related work, so she asked me in front of my boss if I can manage the show for 2-3 hours. After knowing the reason, I agreed to do so. Here, the boss was not an issue.
But when I reached the office, it came to my notice that there were only 2-3 candidates, irrespective of the fact that she told me a number of candidates were expected. So, I got very angry and I told her that she could have managed easily as only 2-3 candidates were here. Then she said she is not well also. Actually, for the past few days, she had a cold, but she took off early, almost in the second half, and I was expecting this on Saturday that she will say this and ask me to manage the entire show.
So, what I did before she could say, I told her, "Okay, you will be free by 1 pm max, and I have an appointment with the doctor as my sister is not well." After listening to this, she started saying sorry, she can't manage the show, and asked me to cancel my appointment. But I had made myself very strong this time that I won't agree this time, as she was pretty well health-wise.
So, I informed my boss on the phone and left by 2 pm. She was very annoyed, but I said I had my priority, so she was forced to manage the entire show.
The reason I'm telling this incident is that on that day, I was able to say "no" as my boss was also not around.
I hope I have made myself clear.
From India, New Delhi
I will narrate what I did this Saturday. This Saturday, we had a training program, so she was assigned to work for that. But she was to take care of some other recruitment-related work, so she asked me in front of my boss if I can manage the show for 2-3 hours. After knowing the reason, I agreed to do so. Here, the boss was not an issue.
But when I reached the office, it came to my notice that there were only 2-3 candidates, irrespective of the fact that she told me a number of candidates were expected. So, I got very angry and I told her that she could have managed easily as only 2-3 candidates were here. Then she said she is not well also. Actually, for the past few days, she had a cold, but she took off early, almost in the second half, and I was expecting this on Saturday that she will say this and ask me to manage the entire show.
So, what I did before she could say, I told her, "Okay, you will be free by 1 pm max, and I have an appointment with the doctor as my sister is not well." After listening to this, she started saying sorry, she can't manage the show, and asked me to cancel my appointment. But I had made myself very strong this time that I won't agree this time, as she was pretty well health-wise.
So, I informed my boss on the phone and left by 2 pm. She was very annoyed, but I said I had my priority, so she was forced to manage the entire show.
The reason I'm telling this incident is that on that day, I was able to say "no" as my boss was also not around.
I hope I have made myself clear.
From India, New Delhi
Hi dear,
First of all, try to be smart in not accepting the work given by her. Be smart but not harsh. If you cannot avoid it at all and end up in a situation where you have to do it, then just do the mechanical job with poor quality. She cannot blame you because it is primarily her job.
Remember one thing – she can delegate you the work but not the responsibility for quality. So, ensure that whenever she gives you work, she receives feedback on the quality/output in a timely manner and so on. Ultimately, she should feel, "Better do it myself."
I hope you understand the message.
Email: srimswhr@gmail.com
First of all, try to be smart in not accepting the work given by her. Be smart but not harsh. If you cannot avoid it at all and end up in a situation where you have to do it, then just do the mechanical job with poor quality. She cannot blame you because it is primarily her job.
Remember one thing – she can delegate you the work but not the responsibility for quality. So, ensure that whenever she gives you work, she receives feedback on the quality/output in a timely manner and so on. Ultimately, she should feel, "Better do it myself."
I hope you understand the message.
Email: srimswhr@gmail.com
Hi,
I am glad you at least tried being assertive... look, it works fine, right? You need to behave in a similar manner a few more times, and trust me, you will be able to make your point clear. Just want to add one point, just be a little wary with this colleague of yours... she/he seems to be extra-smart and has an amazing gift of gab. Nevertheless, you seem to have a fair amount of idea of her behavior traits; hence, be ready with ways to counter her so-called requests.
You have already received a whole lot of options, and you can try one at a time. You may not see instant results, but definitely the situation will improve over a period of time provided you continue to be firm.
Best of luck!!
Regards, Asha
From India, Mumbai
I am glad you at least tried being assertive... look, it works fine, right? You need to behave in a similar manner a few more times, and trust me, you will be able to make your point clear. Just want to add one point, just be a little wary with this colleague of yours... she/he seems to be extra-smart and has an amazing gift of gab. Nevertheless, you seem to have a fair amount of idea of her behavior traits; hence, be ready with ways to counter her so-called requests.
You have already received a whole lot of options, and you can try one at a time. You may not see instant results, but definitely the situation will improve over a period of time provided you continue to be firm.
Best of luck!!
Regards, Asha
From India, Mumbai
Hey,
I am happy you made a start to be assertive and told off your colleague. Make this a habit to draw a line before issues start piling up. Be professional and learn to say NO. You have every right to object to tasks that you are not meant to be doing. Keep a watch on your colleague and do not let her rush you into doing her work.
Good luck!
Regards,
Lily :)
I am happy you made a start to be assertive and told off your colleague. Make this a habit to draw a line before issues start piling up. Be professional and learn to say NO. You have every right to object to tasks that you are not meant to be doing. Keep a watch on your colleague and do not let her rush you into doing her work.
Good luck!
Regards,
Lily :)
Say "No" ...though its difficult but this will help u. and if you can say "no" to her then i bet u will get success in ur career.
From India, Bangalore
From India, Bangalore
Hey, don't be nervous. We come across such people everywhere. These people with their sweet tongue would make other people work for them like their servants. I would just say, "Learn to say NO when you don't want to say YES."
You will find it difficult initially, but you can also put it very sweetly and nicely that you are busy with your important work, or you don't like always calling the canteen, etc. Do ask your colleagues for help sometimes.
Wish you all the best! Mrinal
From India, Pune
You will find it difficult initially, but you can also put it very sweetly and nicely that you are busy with your important work, or you don't like always calling the canteen, etc. Do ask your colleagues for help sometimes.
Wish you all the best! Mrinal
From India, Pune
Hi,
So what if you have a common boss? The boss is not going to hang you up for refusing!
I remember, when I thanked him after getting a job done through him, one of my friends said this, "You are welcome, but please do not make it a habit."
There are other phrases I came across in Hindi, "Is baar to theek hai, par agli baar, please mujhe is jhameele mein mat ghaseeto," which means, "For this time, it's ok, but next time, please do not pull me into this."
"Please, why don't you help yourself?" Then, "Yes, for once it's ok, but not again."
THE BEST OF ALL IS "NO," and when asked why, say, "It's my wish."
It so happens that we are taken for granted sometimes because of our weakness that we can't say "NO." But some people know every trick in the world - they get their things done.
Take a strong step, finish it at the core, "STAND UP, LOOK AT YOUR BOSS, SAY HIM or HER THAT YOU ARE SORRY BUT YOU ARE NOT REPENTING BY SAYING SO." THEN TURN BACK TO YOUR COLLEAGUE AND SAY VERY STRONGLY WITH THE BEST OF YOUR WORDS AND REQUIRED PITCH IN VOICE, "I WILL NOT DO THIS. THIS IS NOT MY JOB. AND NEXT TIME FROM NOW, YOU WILL NOT ASK ME TO DO ANYTHING. YOU'RE TAKING ME FOR GRANTED. DO WHATEVER YOU CAN DO." AND please, after saying this, leave the room. THEY WILL CALL YOU IN AND SAY SORRY, IT'S OK, AND ALL THOSE WORDS OF APOLOGY.
If this ends up here, fine, or else find a way to see her outside your office and tell her straight to her face that you don't like this quality in her.
IT'S TIME THAT YOU GOT TO BE VERY STRAIGHT. IF NOT TODAY, NEXT DAY OR THE OTHER, BUT YOU CAN RUIN YOUR SLEEP THE LONGER YOU DELAY, OR PROBABLY YOU ARE NOT SLEEPING WELL EVEN NOW!
When you finish, please let us know.
ALL THE BEST.
Regards,
V. VENU
From India, Hyderabad
So what if you have a common boss? The boss is not going to hang you up for refusing!
I remember, when I thanked him after getting a job done through him, one of my friends said this, "You are welcome, but please do not make it a habit."
There are other phrases I came across in Hindi, "Is baar to theek hai, par agli baar, please mujhe is jhameele mein mat ghaseeto," which means, "For this time, it's ok, but next time, please do not pull me into this."
"Please, why don't you help yourself?" Then, "Yes, for once it's ok, but not again."
THE BEST OF ALL IS "NO," and when asked why, say, "It's my wish."
It so happens that we are taken for granted sometimes because of our weakness that we can't say "NO." But some people know every trick in the world - they get their things done.
Take a strong step, finish it at the core, "STAND UP, LOOK AT YOUR BOSS, SAY HIM or HER THAT YOU ARE SORRY BUT YOU ARE NOT REPENTING BY SAYING SO." THEN TURN BACK TO YOUR COLLEAGUE AND SAY VERY STRONGLY WITH THE BEST OF YOUR WORDS AND REQUIRED PITCH IN VOICE, "I WILL NOT DO THIS. THIS IS NOT MY JOB. AND NEXT TIME FROM NOW, YOU WILL NOT ASK ME TO DO ANYTHING. YOU'RE TAKING ME FOR GRANTED. DO WHATEVER YOU CAN DO." AND please, after saying this, leave the room. THEY WILL CALL YOU IN AND SAY SORRY, IT'S OK, AND ALL THOSE WORDS OF APOLOGY.
If this ends up here, fine, or else find a way to see her outside your office and tell her straight to her face that you don't like this quality in her.
IT'S TIME THAT YOU GOT TO BE VERY STRAIGHT. IF NOT TODAY, NEXT DAY OR THE OTHER, BUT YOU CAN RUIN YOUR SLEEP THE LONGER YOU DELAY, OR PROBABLY YOU ARE NOT SLEEPING WELL EVEN NOW!
When you finish, please let us know.
ALL THE BEST.
Regards,
V. VENU
From India, Hyderabad
Like every other person, as said, you have to assert yourself professionally. You are both colleagues and each has your job functions. He/she cannot treat you as a refuse dump even if he/she is older than you in the system. Stand your ground and be firm.
From Nigeria, Ibadan
From Nigeria, Ibadan
Hi, your case is of a person who is having a smart colleague taking undue advantage of yours. So, first of all, stop doing her work under the pretext of you being busy. Secondly, ask her to help herself. Thirdly, do not take her work and let the boss make her a call to come on Saturdays if possible.
From India, Mumbai
From India, Mumbai
One of the important point of Time management is you should know to tell "No" When where & why
From India, Tiruppur
From India, Tiruppur
Hi there! I can understand your problem very well and know what you are going through. I'll tell you an easy solution to this problem. Start by requesting her directly for your works until she gets irritated. In the beginning, you might feel weird, but it's the only way to handle such kind of people. She will be dominating unless you start bothering her. I'm giving you this advice because I had done the same to my friend. Hopefully, this might work in your case as well.
From India, Bangalore
From India, Bangalore
Hi I must say that you should follow the formulas suggested by Arvind. Remember Tit for Tat always works. Most of all just concentrate on your own performance or ultimately you will be suffer
From India, Pune
From India, Pune
Hi all,
Thank you for your valuable inputs and suggestions. I believe my colleague is also a part of this community as there has been a change in her behavior over the past week. Now, she doesn't ask for any favors from me. I hope this continues, but in case she does, I am prepared to say "no" to her or apply a "tit for tat policy." I am thankful to have a supportive boss.
I hope everything works well in the future too.
Amen! 😄
From India, New Delhi
Thank you for your valuable inputs and suggestions. I believe my colleague is also a part of this community as there has been a change in her behavior over the past week. Now, she doesn't ask for any favors from me. I hope this continues, but in case she does, I am prepared to say "no" to her or apply a "tit for tat policy." I am thankful to have a supportive boss.
I hope everything works well in the future too.
Amen! 😄
From India, New Delhi
Hi Niti and her guides (!)
I am Sachin, an HR Manager in an IT firm based at Mumbai. Can’t reveal the name of organization and that of mine as well due to some obvious constraints.
But guys I am thoroughly disappointed by the way Niti is putting forward her problem, the unidirectional way in which others are thinking about it and giving suggestions (rather misguiding) to her and to add to everything the way Niti says she has responded to her so called problem. ‘Art of saying no’ and all are good articles but there is no need of those things here.
Niti is not at any fault as she seems to have some inherent problem with her interpretation power. She seems to have misinterpreted some obvious expectations that a colleague can have from you thinking that you could be of that sporting nature.
From the kinds of things that Niti reports her colleague expects her to do and the way in which she expects her to do, I refuse to believe that the other lady is just her colleague. But I guess the other lady must be senior to her in the organization. Further from the kind of issues Niti is reporting any sensible person who has spent some time working in any organization can make out that Niti must have just begun her professional career.
So few things to be noted by Niti are as follows:
1) If you think that you are being taken for granted by your colleague (who I strongly feel is your senior) when she asks you to make calls or staple papers you are wrong. Generally professionals ask such things from their juniors just to create some sort of comfort and informal atmosphere and they continue these things only if they think other person comfortable. If your ego is getting hurt by such friendly gestures then you better let your colleague know that its of no use
2) Someone replying to you, I guess octavious is boasting about his response to similar situation by being laid back and ‘chucking’ (?) someone of his colleagues from company. someone is also telling you to say “No its my wish” and blah blah Don’t get misguided by such people.
3) Further Niti, who knows your colleague could actually have some important work at her home? If she is asking you to take the responsibility there is nothing wrong in it. When you will actually have some problem, just see if she helps you or not. I am sure she will!
4) I don’t want to get into specifics but from all your narration I can’t resist myself getting into particular issues and give you some valuable advice. To take it or not is up to you!
Niti, you yourself have said that on that Saturday she had a training program. And you were asked to handle new candidates. Now nobody can actually predict whether all those candidates who say they will come will actually turn up or not.
And in this situation just because now you have developed unnecessary personal grudge against her, you lied? Saying that you have an appointment? (You yourself have agreed that she was leaving early because she was not feeling well. Seems like you were jealous of her.. that’s why you also said you had an appointment.. Grow up Niti.. Keep dirty politics away) Are you trying to show your smart friends on this forum (who are giving examples of ‘chucking’ out someone) that you are even smarter?
After mentioning your smart tricks, your own line is “I HOPE I HAD MADE MYSELF CLEAR....” Yes Niti you made it very clear that you just want to play tricks rather than being proactive and gaining experience from the opportunities coming your way.
I fail to understand why you youngsters start complaining when you have to do a bit more? There is no shortcut to success. If you continue playing such tricks, I am afraid you’ll struggle to grow in your career.
5) Niti you yourself are saying that your colleague is also member of the blogging community. Then for any wise person it was not difficult to understand that your colleague must have stopped interacting with you not because of anything else but just because she must have got hurt after reading what kind of politics you are playing from your own blog and what kind of training you are being given by others.
6) Finally, success of an organization as well as the progress of the employees depend on the team spirit shown by them and not by the politics and grudges. I think this one liner is enough for you to make amendments.
I might have sounded harsh but I needed strong words to help a misguided and confused girl. I hope these words do the needful.
Sachin.
I am Sachin, an HR Manager in an IT firm based at Mumbai. Can’t reveal the name of organization and that of mine as well due to some obvious constraints.
But guys I am thoroughly disappointed by the way Niti is putting forward her problem, the unidirectional way in which others are thinking about it and giving suggestions (rather misguiding) to her and to add to everything the way Niti says she has responded to her so called problem. ‘Art of saying no’ and all are good articles but there is no need of those things here.
Niti is not at any fault as she seems to have some inherent problem with her interpretation power. She seems to have misinterpreted some obvious expectations that a colleague can have from you thinking that you could be of that sporting nature.
From the kinds of things that Niti reports her colleague expects her to do and the way in which she expects her to do, I refuse to believe that the other lady is just her colleague. But I guess the other lady must be senior to her in the organization. Further from the kind of issues Niti is reporting any sensible person who has spent some time working in any organization can make out that Niti must have just begun her professional career.
So few things to be noted by Niti are as follows:
1) If you think that you are being taken for granted by your colleague (who I strongly feel is your senior) when she asks you to make calls or staple papers you are wrong. Generally professionals ask such things from their juniors just to create some sort of comfort and informal atmosphere and they continue these things only if they think other person comfortable. If your ego is getting hurt by such friendly gestures then you better let your colleague know that its of no use
2) Someone replying to you, I guess octavious is boasting about his response to similar situation by being laid back and ‘chucking’ (?) someone of his colleagues from company. someone is also telling you to say “No its my wish” and blah blah Don’t get misguided by such people.
3) Further Niti, who knows your colleague could actually have some important work at her home? If she is asking you to take the responsibility there is nothing wrong in it. When you will actually have some problem, just see if she helps you or not. I am sure she will!
4) I don’t want to get into specifics but from all your narration I can’t resist myself getting into particular issues and give you some valuable advice. To take it or not is up to you!
Niti, you yourself have said that on that Saturday she had a training program. And you were asked to handle new candidates. Now nobody can actually predict whether all those candidates who say they will come will actually turn up or not.
And in this situation just because now you have developed unnecessary personal grudge against her, you lied? Saying that you have an appointment? (You yourself have agreed that she was leaving early because she was not feeling well. Seems like you were jealous of her.. that’s why you also said you had an appointment.. Grow up Niti.. Keep dirty politics away) Are you trying to show your smart friends on this forum (who are giving examples of ‘chucking’ out someone) that you are even smarter?
After mentioning your smart tricks, your own line is “I HOPE I HAD MADE MYSELF CLEAR....” Yes Niti you made it very clear that you just want to play tricks rather than being proactive and gaining experience from the opportunities coming your way.
I fail to understand why you youngsters start complaining when you have to do a bit more? There is no shortcut to success. If you continue playing such tricks, I am afraid you’ll struggle to grow in your career.
5) Niti you yourself are saying that your colleague is also member of the blogging community. Then for any wise person it was not difficult to understand that your colleague must have stopped interacting with you not because of anything else but just because she must have got hurt after reading what kind of politics you are playing from your own blog and what kind of training you are being given by others.
6) Finally, success of an organization as well as the progress of the employees depend on the team spirit shown by them and not by the politics and grudges. I think this one liner is enough for you to make amendments.
I might have sounded harsh but I needed strong words to help a misguided and confused girl. I hope these words do the needful.
Sachin.
Hello Sachin,
I do agree with you. Niti should understand teamwork as well. She has mentioned that there are only 3 members in her team, including her boss. If this is the case, then her colleague must have been doing the same work before. I would like to know, Niti, what is your experience with the same company? Also, my personal opinion is, instead of engaging in a tit-for-tat scenario, focus on your career, as your behavior indicates that you are like a kid in this corporate world. :lol:
Regards,
Julie
I do agree with you. Niti should understand teamwork as well. She has mentioned that there are only 3 members in her team, including her boss. If this is the case, then her colleague must have been doing the same work before. I would like to know, Niti, what is your experience with the same company? Also, my personal opinion is, instead of engaging in a tit-for-tat scenario, focus on your career, as your behavior indicates that you are like a kid in this corporate world. :lol:
Regards,
Julie
Hi!
While going through, I thought I would place my problem to you as well.
I have gone beyond the "NO" saying phase. I've tried it, but now I am being told that I am being uncooperative. Any work that is being done by me is appreciated by my boss, and he also acknowledges that I am clear about the basic concepts. However, of late, a couple of my colleagues have started directly interacting with the Superboss, and here is where the problem arises.
These colleagues are getting their work done by everyone, and if you say NO to them, it gets reported to the Superboss as them being difficult and uncooperative. They spend their office time chatting with each other, their friends, having snacks in the cafeteria, or constantly in some mutual meeting. Despite this, they are not facing any consequences because they are also being sent for prime training programs and have been identified as individuals with the most growth potential.
The issue arises as this behavior affects the overall teamwork and our image with other departments. My boss cannot and will not take action because he does not want to risk getting on the bad side of the Superboss. Even my other colleagues have chosen to take this approach. However, the problem is that their pending work is being assigned to me by my boss, who tells me every time that since I am efficient and can clear it quickly and neatly, I should handle it.
What should I do? Should I consider leaving, especially since during appraisal time, the benefits I am receiving have significantly decreased, while these two individuals have received substantial increments?
Thanks in advance.
From India, New Delhi
While going through, I thought I would place my problem to you as well.
I have gone beyond the "NO" saying phase. I've tried it, but now I am being told that I am being uncooperative. Any work that is being done by me is appreciated by my boss, and he also acknowledges that I am clear about the basic concepts. However, of late, a couple of my colleagues have started directly interacting with the Superboss, and here is where the problem arises.
These colleagues are getting their work done by everyone, and if you say NO to them, it gets reported to the Superboss as them being difficult and uncooperative. They spend their office time chatting with each other, their friends, having snacks in the cafeteria, or constantly in some mutual meeting. Despite this, they are not facing any consequences because they are also being sent for prime training programs and have been identified as individuals with the most growth potential.
The issue arises as this behavior affects the overall teamwork and our image with other departments. My boss cannot and will not take action because he does not want to risk getting on the bad side of the Superboss. Even my other colleagues have chosen to take this approach. However, the problem is that their pending work is being assigned to me by my boss, who tells me every time that since I am efficient and can clear it quickly and neatly, I should handle it.
What should I do? Should I consider leaving, especially since during appraisal time, the benefits I am receiving have significantly decreased, while these two individuals have received substantial increments?
Thanks in advance.
From India, New Delhi
See here, your Boss intentionally acting smart to maintain his reputation with team. Again 5 points
1. So understand the loophole – i.e., your Boss will not punish any one. I clearly understood your tam has decided to sort out this issue.
2. Then all of you do decide Not to complete the work of those two despite if it is assigned by the Boss (any how he will not take action). Maintaining Company work environment is important than you Boss’s personal interest. Hear your team will be giving a treatment to your Boss to maintain smooth operations.
4. It doesn’t mean you should ignore the Boss. Boss is Boss. Handle politely. Politely say Sir, I am busy sorry I cannot do now. every one should fine some valid reason. Here Crocodile tears can be used it is not bad. Coz your intention is not bad.
4. Now all team is together. Either your Boss should do himself or get the work done by those two. Or else he will be answerable to the management.
5. Your Boss is good hearted but some times it may not work out to maintain smooth operations. It may lead to discrimination.
Regards,
Arvind
From India, Bangalore
1. So understand the loophole – i.e., your Boss will not punish any one. I clearly understood your tam has decided to sort out this issue.
2. Then all of you do decide Not to complete the work of those two despite if it is assigned by the Boss (any how he will not take action). Maintaining Company work environment is important than you Boss’s personal interest. Hear your team will be giving a treatment to your Boss to maintain smooth operations.
4. It doesn’t mean you should ignore the Boss. Boss is Boss. Handle politely. Politely say Sir, I am busy sorry I cannot do now. every one should fine some valid reason. Here Crocodile tears can be used it is not bad. Coz your intention is not bad.
4. Now all team is together. Either your Boss should do himself or get the work done by those two. Or else he will be answerable to the management.
5. Your Boss is good hearted but some times it may not work out to maintain smooth operations. It may lead to discrimination.
Regards,
Arvind
From India, Bangalore
Thanks, Arvind.
Your reply reduced the stress level a bit. They were on the rise since these two are girls who are very new to HR, while most of us have been with the company for a long time and have a good amount of experience. Most of my colleagues have decided not to do anything since they feel that there is no other way around, and I was getting stressed because my work is suffering due to this.
Regards,
From India, New Delhi
Your reply reduced the stress level a bit. They were on the rise since these two are girls who are very new to HR, while most of us have been with the company for a long time and have a good amount of experience. Most of my colleagues have decided not to do anything since they feel that there is no other way around, and I was getting stressed because my work is suffering due to this.
Regards,
From India, New Delhi
With pleasure Take it as an Assignment for Problem solving that too guiding your Boss in the interest of Company. Regards, Arvind
From India, Bangalore
From India, Bangalore
Hi Sachin,
I really liked the way you expressed your opinion on Niti's problem, and I totally AGREE with you. There are many other aspects we can focus on in our field. While I am not suggesting that you should not seek help from your friends for such issues, as a newcomer in this field, it is important to learn how to handle these situations on your own. This way, you will truly understand what real EXPERIENCE entails. Engaging in dirty politics and constantly complaining about others will only tarnish your own IMAGE within the company. Instead, Niti should collaborate with her seniors to enhance the company's performance.
“TIT FOR TAT” will hinder the company's progress, and as a good HR professional, our foremost duty is to prioritize the company's interests.
With years of experience in this field, I would not recruit individuals who follow a “TIT FOR TAT” approach for my firm. I would rather choose efficient and problem-solving team members.
Therefore, strive to be a good problem solver, dear NITI.
Thanks & Regards,
Tina
Human Resources Manager
From India, Mumbai
I really liked the way you expressed your opinion on Niti's problem, and I totally AGREE with you. There are many other aspects we can focus on in our field. While I am not suggesting that you should not seek help from your friends for such issues, as a newcomer in this field, it is important to learn how to handle these situations on your own. This way, you will truly understand what real EXPERIENCE entails. Engaging in dirty politics and constantly complaining about others will only tarnish your own IMAGE within the company. Instead, Niti should collaborate with her seniors to enhance the company's performance.
“TIT FOR TAT” will hinder the company's progress, and as a good HR professional, our foremost duty is to prioritize the company's interests.
With years of experience in this field, I would not recruit individuals who follow a “TIT FOR TAT” approach for my firm. I would rather choose efficient and problem-solving team members.
Therefore, strive to be a good problem solver, dear NITI.
Thanks & Regards,
Tina
Human Resources Manager
From India, Mumbai
Hi Sachin, Julie & Tina,
I DO AGREE with both of you. Whatever Niti is mentioning about her colleague is from her point of view. Why not she and our other forum members think from the other lady's point of view? Till today, I have seen many replies supporting only Niti, but I appreciate Sachin, Tina & Julie for the way they have actually thought as well. Many friends here have suggested taking some sort of revenge on your colleague, this and that, or the "tit for tat" funda. But have they thought from the other perspective?
So, Niti, before taking any step, remember one thing: if you want to succeed in the corporate world, work as a team member. Concentrate on this aspect rather than engaging in such actions and trying to gain sympathy for others.
Regards,
Charles
I DO AGREE with both of you. Whatever Niti is mentioning about her colleague is from her point of view. Why not she and our other forum members think from the other lady's point of view? Till today, I have seen many replies supporting only Niti, but I appreciate Sachin, Tina & Julie for the way they have actually thought as well. Many friends here have suggested taking some sort of revenge on your colleague, this and that, or the "tit for tat" funda. But have they thought from the other perspective?
So, Niti, before taking any step, remember one thing: if you want to succeed in the corporate world, work as a team member. Concentrate on this aspect rather than engaging in such actions and trying to gain sympathy for others.
Regards,
Charles
Hi Niti
After going through some opinions I red one more posting which is from you i.e. I made it clear. Yes by your words I can understand your colleague is also playing a game. And now where you have mentioned that you are junior but indirectly your Boss also given instruction to her, by this also it shows you are not junior.
The way you handle should not be rude enough.
One incident: Some times I worked as a faculty also. One day my Director introduced my one person who returned from Saudi, and seeking for some job in abroad. Earlier he was Software Engineers (VB). In Saudi he worked on SAP-ABAP.
My Director said, he has some doubts on ABAP (Programming language). I was worried himself he has around 7 years of experience in IT what I can clear his doubts as I didn’t have any real-time development experience. But we both were of same age.
The very next day he came. And I asked him. “What are all your doubts ask me, I will try to solve it”. Suddenly he said egoistically No, No, just tell whatever you want to tell!!!!!!!!!. I am shocked…..
I thought “Dal me kuch kala hai”. I asked one simple question, even high school student can answer now a days. “What is Data type?”.
Now egoism went of from his face, he said sorry sir I do not know, please treat me as a fresher and teach.
I started teaching, after few days I asked how you managed your work till now (Around 7 Years).
It was a team work. So if I didn’t know I was assigning it to juniors or some one who is close to me.
So please do not allow these kind persons to grow in the organization in the name of team work. All the time allowing this is not good for organization. He reaped the money from Companies. Now if you ask me, that blame should go to that team who helped not help, protected him.
After my revision class, he got job in German. 1 Year he worked in Germen. Now he is in IBM-Kolkata.
Great person……….. Hats of to that Software Engineer…… he know how to manage (not to perform) job…………..
Regards,
Arvind
From India, Bangalore
After going through some opinions I red one more posting which is from you i.e. I made it clear. Yes by your words I can understand your colleague is also playing a game. And now where you have mentioned that you are junior but indirectly your Boss also given instruction to her, by this also it shows you are not junior.
The way you handle should not be rude enough.
One incident: Some times I worked as a faculty also. One day my Director introduced my one person who returned from Saudi, and seeking for some job in abroad. Earlier he was Software Engineers (VB). In Saudi he worked on SAP-ABAP.
My Director said, he has some doubts on ABAP (Programming language). I was worried himself he has around 7 years of experience in IT what I can clear his doubts as I didn’t have any real-time development experience. But we both were of same age.
The very next day he came. And I asked him. “What are all your doubts ask me, I will try to solve it”. Suddenly he said egoistically No, No, just tell whatever you want to tell!!!!!!!!!. I am shocked…..
I thought “Dal me kuch kala hai”. I asked one simple question, even high school student can answer now a days. “What is Data type?”.
Now egoism went of from his face, he said sorry sir I do not know, please treat me as a fresher and teach.
I started teaching, after few days I asked how you managed your work till now (Around 7 Years).
It was a team work. So if I didn’t know I was assigning it to juniors or some one who is close to me.
So please do not allow these kind persons to grow in the organization in the name of team work. All the time allowing this is not good for organization. He reaped the money from Companies. Now if you ask me, that blame should go to that team who helped not help, protected him.
After my revision class, he got job in German. 1 Year he worked in Germen. Now he is in IBM-Kolkata.
Great person……….. Hats of to that Software Engineer…… he know how to manage (not to perform) job…………..
Regards,
Arvind
From India, Bangalore
Hello Arvind,
It's nice that you are sharing your experience. But let me tell you, first, everybody experiences things differently in their own way. So, instead of playing and learning politics in a professional environment, one should understand that we are not here to play a game with our careers and the corporate world. While your suggestion is good from your point of view, it is absolutely wrong from mine.
It is true that everyone should know how to manage, but that's practically not playing politics or following a tit-for-tat approach. It is good if you are suggesting your seniors about your views because no one is perfect here. So, please keep in mind that when suggesting anything to anybody, we are here to discuss valuable strategies, not politics and the differences between experienced and fresher individuals. Sometimes, experienced people also lack knowledge. It doesn't mean "do not allow these kinds of persons to grow in the organization in the name of teamwork."
Regards,
Julie
It's nice that you are sharing your experience. But let me tell you, first, everybody experiences things differently in their own way. So, instead of playing and learning politics in a professional environment, one should understand that we are not here to play a game with our careers and the corporate world. While your suggestion is good from your point of view, it is absolutely wrong from mine.
It is true that everyone should know how to manage, but that's practically not playing politics or following a tit-for-tat approach. It is good if you are suggesting your seniors about your views because no one is perfect here. So, please keep in mind that when suggesting anything to anybody, we are here to discuss valuable strategies, not politics and the differences between experienced and fresher individuals. Sometimes, experienced people also lack knowledge. It doesn't mean "do not allow these kinds of persons to grow in the organization in the name of teamwork."
Regards,
Julie
Hi Julie,
Definitely, those who do not have perfect technical knowledge and want to work, I will not agree. The company will allow learning only for freshers, or if it is upcoming technology, then for seniors.
I taught him the ABAP programming, and I know how poor he was. That person asked me to explain all his programs which he had done in his previous company so that he can clear the technical round and get the next job. After coming back from Germany, once he asked me to revise the class and explain his new programs. There is nothing wrong to share here. I said this time I'll not do it for free; I want Rs. 25,000. Do you think, as HR professionals, we should allow this kind of recourse for the company? That's why I said, "Do not allow this kind of persons." If it is really bad, I said. I wonder where I went wrong.
Coming back to Niti's case, I have not said "tit for tat"; I suggested just avoiding helping all the time, especially for small tasks. Nowhere did I mention not assisting seniors. If it is a senior, it is an excuse. If it is a colleague, one can adjust for a short period. But in her case, we can understand that it has been a long time.
Regarding "tit for tat," I have not mentioned anything about that. I said handle diplomatically. For all the seniors, please do not allow "tit" in your team; then there will not be a question of "tat." Seniors should "nip it in the bud."
In my case, once a fresher asked me, "Sir, why should I staple these question papers? I am an MBA." Then I said, "You are a fresher; try to learn from scratch."
Many advised Niti to learn to say "NO," but she was not able to understand. So I wrote a script.
Regards,
Arvind
From India, Bangalore
Definitely, those who do not have perfect technical knowledge and want to work, I will not agree. The company will allow learning only for freshers, or if it is upcoming technology, then for seniors.
I taught him the ABAP programming, and I know how poor he was. That person asked me to explain all his programs which he had done in his previous company so that he can clear the technical round and get the next job. After coming back from Germany, once he asked me to revise the class and explain his new programs. There is nothing wrong to share here. I said this time I'll not do it for free; I want Rs. 25,000. Do you think, as HR professionals, we should allow this kind of recourse for the company? That's why I said, "Do not allow this kind of persons." If it is really bad, I said. I wonder where I went wrong.
Coming back to Niti's case, I have not said "tit for tat"; I suggested just avoiding helping all the time, especially for small tasks. Nowhere did I mention not assisting seniors. If it is a senior, it is an excuse. If it is a colleague, one can adjust for a short period. But in her case, we can understand that it has been a long time.
Regarding "tit for tat," I have not mentioned anything about that. I said handle diplomatically. For all the seniors, please do not allow "tit" in your team; then there will not be a question of "tat." Seniors should "nip it in the bud."
In my case, once a fresher asked me, "Sir, why should I staple these question papers? I am an MBA." Then I said, "You are a fresher; try to learn from scratch."
Many advised Niti to learn to say "NO," but she was not able to understand. So I wrote a script.
Regards,
Arvind
From India, Bangalore
Hi all,
I was going through what Charles, Julie, Tina, Sachin, and Arvind brought to my notice. I appreciate your suggestions. Every individual is different, as are situations and the way of dealing with or addressing them. Tit for tat may work in some situations, although it should not be encouraged as I am also aware of its adverse effects. Being diplomatic can also be effective in certain situations. Saying "no," of course, is important. Managing and/or working in a team.
Thanks all!
From India, New Delhi
I was going through what Charles, Julie, Tina, Sachin, and Arvind brought to my notice. I appreciate your suggestions. Every individual is different, as are situations and the way of dealing with or addressing them. Tit for tat may work in some situations, although it should not be encouraged as I am also aware of its adverse effects. Being diplomatic can also be effective in certain situations. Saying "no," of course, is important. Managing and/or working in a team.
Thanks all!
From India, New Delhi
Hi Sachin,
Thanks for your suggestion. It was an eye-opener. I will positively give thought to them.
A few things I would like to add on as below:
{Please note: I'm not defending myself, just trying to put my views across. Do correct me wherever I'm wrong.}
She is my colleague and not a senior. I'm at a learning stage, I have 1.5 years of experience. The behavior I stated was becoming very difficult to respond to. I have been supporting her as and when required, and she too has been helping me in the need of the hour. As it's difficult for me to say "no", following "tit for tat" is even more difficult.
Regarding the Saturday incident, I would like to highlight that the manner in which she behaved was what I was expecting, as she has been doing it for a long time. The number of candidates that were three was fixed. Do you feel that three candidates who are freshers and are required to be hired for a training project purpose will take the full day time?
Looking forward to your continued support.
From India, New Delhi
Thanks for your suggestion. It was an eye-opener. I will positively give thought to them.
A few things I would like to add on as below:
{Please note: I'm not defending myself, just trying to put my views across. Do correct me wherever I'm wrong.}
She is my colleague and not a senior. I'm at a learning stage, I have 1.5 years of experience. The behavior I stated was becoming very difficult to respond to. I have been supporting her as and when required, and she too has been helping me in the need of the hour. As it's difficult for me to say "no", following "tit for tat" is even more difficult.
Regarding the Saturday incident, I would like to highlight that the manner in which she behaved was what I was expecting, as she has been doing it for a long time. The number of candidates that were three was fixed. Do you feel that three candidates who are freshers and are required to be hired for a training project purpose will take the full day time?
Looking forward to your continued support.
From India, New Delhi
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