Announcement Email - new leave benefits. Could someone please assist me with a draft email?

Hi peeps, I need to draft an email addressing all staff announcing the new leave benefits. Could someone please assist me with a draft email?

I am stuck with the introductory and ending lines. I need to make it catchier. Please see below a draft prepared by me:

Happy Friday everyone! 😊

As announced in this week’s WGO, effective 1st January 2023, we are pleased to share new additions to our leave benefits:

We have heard your feedback and have launched 4 new leave policies and updated 2 of our existing leave entitlements:

New Additions:

- Flexible Public Holiday (2 Paid days Swap)
- Gender Affirmation leave (10 Paid days)
- Fertility treatment leave (10 Paid days)
- Study Leave (4 Paid days)

Leave Enhancements:

- Domestic & Family Violence leave (10 Paid days)
- Compassionate Leave (5 Paid days)

For more details, please refer to our policy bank under VOX “Link”.

ADP has been updated with the new leave codes and leave entitlements.

If you have any questions/queries, please reach out to me.

We are very excited to launch these new leave benefits and look forward to your continued feedback.

Hi,

This email draft is okay.

"We have heard your feedback and have launched" - change this to "Based on your feedback, we are launching two new leave options."

"If you have any questions/queries please reach out to me." Change this to "If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact me."

"We are very excited to get these new leave benefits off the ground, and we look forward to your continued feedback." Change this to "We are excited to introduce these new leave options and eagerly await your ongoing support."

Thank you.

Dear Asha Nair Shah,

The correspondence done by the HR department is for administrative purposes. All communication done for administrative purposes must have a formal tone. A formal tone does not mean that we cannot be friendly. However, one can be friendly and still formal too. Striking a balance shows the depth of the HR professional.

If you are revising a policy on employee leave, then please give a reference to this policy and mention clearly:

a) Which clauses will remain as they are
b) Which clauses are revised and
c) Which clauses are inserted new

You need to maintain the revision log and while issuing a circular, state clearly "Revision No _____/2023 to Policy on Employee Leave".

Lastly, coming to a formal tone again. Have you given proper definitions for:

- Flexible Public Holiday (2 Paid days Swap)
- Gender Affirmation leave (10 Paid days)
- Fertility treatment leave (10 Paid days)
- Study Leave (4 Paid days)

Please define clearly each of the above points. There should not be ambiguity so that each party starts interpreting what suits them.

Lastly, there is no plural for "employee leave". Yes, the word "leave" has a plural, however, this word has several meanings and when used in the context of authorized absence from the duties, there is no plural.

The HR professionals are expected to enhance the image of the company. To enhance the image, they must maintain the quality of the language. A casual approach is contrary to professionalism and I hope you prefer the latter over the former.

Thanks,

Dinesh Divekar