My Husband Wants Divorce - What Do I Do ??? Legal Advice

Hello Everyone…

Iam begging for your support and suggestions..

My name is vandana ..and iam 29 yrs old Ghaziabad Based girl .. I have 6 yrs of exp into IT recruitment .. I resigned from my job just before week of my marriage .. my parents got only 15 days to do all arrangements for marriage …. My parents was worried abt my age.. so I decided to go for marriage.. my husband is also 29 yrs old .. he has spent his 28 yrs in village and on April, 2012 he started his job as a Sr. Supervisor in Chandigarh … He is Bsc + MBA in Production from Rohtak University .. But now his 3 elder brother are forcing him to sit at home and take care of thr parents property .. they don’t want Prabhat to make his better future..

I got married on 17 June, 2012. It was arrange marriage and it never went well from the beginning mainly due to vast culture and social difference between me and my husband ( Prabhat) side. he is from village side with very typical thinking and behaviour of in laws and he has no interest in trying to get change, and not taking any interest in learning modern way of leaving or have any conversation with anybody with my family . it seems, there is no hope to change his attitudes and way of thinking. basically we do not fit each other at all but now iam 29yrs old and don’t want to go for divorce .it is very difficult to convince any outsider that this could be the reason to get separated. but beyond that, . I don’t know how will I service my entire life with him , where there is no hope for love and affection and only thing and we have is senseless fight, arguments, mistrust and disrespect.

After 15 days of my marriage I got conceived … Prabhat said I will stay at my parents place for 10 days then he will take me to Chandigarh for 3 months .. I said ok .. in the mine while .. Prabhat was forcing to get a job in Noida … so tht he can also get shifted to Noida from Chandigargh .. …. I said Ok …. Then I started searching jobs in Noida … one day I got Faint in Bus due to pregnancy. after 15 days pregnancy … I called Prabhat ask him to give some money so tht I can go for Gyna treatment .. He denied for tht .. and said tht I have not made you pregnant .. this is not baby…and said I can’t afford your nursing home treatment bcoz I don’t have money to waste on you .. I went into depression and after completing of 1 month of Pega … I decided to go for termination of my Pregnancy .. my parents suggested me to not go for DNC .. but due to my husband behavior …. I intimated him bfore DNC .. then also he didn’t called me and asked abt the matter .. Infact my In laws was also not taking care of my pregnancy . they wants money not baby …

After DNC I decide to stay with my husband in Chandigarh so I been with him for 1 months.. thr also in Chandigarh my husband was forcing me to do job so simultaneously I was searching job in chandigargh just to help my husband .. He started blaming me abt my character and he use to check my mobile phone calls .. he says Iam dating with boys .. In the absence of him … Now these days Iam at my parents place since 4 months ..

Please bring some advice or information or suggestion before my life becomes unbearable and I does something serious with myself. Even Iam not ready to accept allimony, because Iam not ready for divorce.

with Regards

Vandana

(Helpless)

Dear Vandana,

I am posting your query in CiteLegal. Your situation requires legal help, not just counseling. You may not foresee the challenges that may arise, but an expert can assist you in overcoming them. Please consider the advice you can receive from them.

[CiteLegal - Family Laws](https://www.citelegal.com/1711-my-husband-wants-divorce-what-do-i.html#post3979)

Dear Vandana,

Ms. (Cite Contribution) has put your query in the right forum. Please do visit the link for responses. Meanwhile, I would humbly suggest that you be brave; self-respect is the first casualty under such an extremely stressful situation in life. You have six years of experience in IT recruitment, which is worthwhile and shall empower you to be self-sufficient. Please do not let your morale and motivation down by allowing your self-esteem and self-worth to be affected. This happens when one sees oneself as a victim and considers oneself as "helpless."

May God bless you with the strength and perseverance to tide over the bad times in your life.

Warm regards.

Hi Cite Contribution,

Thank you for posting my query in the right forum. My husband wants me to stay at home without any communication with my family, including my parents. He even insists that I avoid social media to interact with them. I am currently jobless, without a mobile phone, and feeling very helpless. Despite my situation, he does not want me to be with him. At times, I consider divorce, but I know it's not the solution to my problems. He is against me working.

I am seriously helpless now. What should I do?

Regards,
Vandana

Dear Vandana,

I am sure you have a view as to why you wouldn't want a divorce. Expecting him to change his ways would be impractical. Hence, you need a better view of what should be your best way out and your rights.

A job is a must for you, no matter how much he tries to control your contacts. Control mechanisms are directly connected to the fear of losing and other insecurities. Even if he is initiating a divorce, you need to have a better view of what would come to you.

Build your future and keep your morale very high. Surviving a situation like yours takes guts and intelligence. Please credit yourself for that.

Friction in daily life will smarten you and make you wiser beyond measure. He will allow you to work eventually, given the fact that he is not financially independent. Income from his family will limit him soon. You need to have a clear view of the income that you might have from your job.

I am looking forward to the views from our legal experts.

Dear Vandana,

I am not a legal expert. As others have asked, ask yourself why you do not want to opt for divorce. I know people who have younger siblings not wanting to spoil the name of the family, etc. I suggest that you do a Force Field Analysis of your situation. [Personal Force Field Analysis](http://www.slideshare.net/brianbish10795/Personal-ForceField-Analysis)

Kindly also see [Divorce In India | Social Stigma | Female Equality](http://www.the-nri.com/index.php/2010/06/till-death-do-us-part/)

Hi Simhan,

Thank you for the suggestion. Maybe you are right. I am afraid of my society and family. I don't want to go for a divorce. I want to give him one more chance so that he can change himself. Yes, it's true he is not very strong financially because he just started his career in April 2012, and his family is supporting him to fulfill his needs. What I have observed is that he is still dependent on his family. My fight with him is only about making himself independent and respecting his self-esteem. I don't want him to feel inferior in front of his family because I know there is no chance of living with them together. It's better to separate from my husband, but he doesn't want to live separately.

Dear Vandana,

I am at a loss. On the one hand, you say he has lived in the village, and on the other, you say that he has an MBA from Rohtak University. One of the mistakes we make is getting married with the hope that we can change the other person; for example, you think your husband will change, and he thinks you will get used to sitting at home in a village and looking after his parents. What do his brothers do? Are they in the village or working in cities?

There is a saying "Leopards do not change their spots." If he is accusing you of adultery and that the child you are carrying is his, you can always get a DNA test done (It is expensive). For the child's sake, it is not worth living in an abusive relationship. Maybe you should both seek counseling first before going for a divorce. This is the view of this old man.

I second Simhan. You marry the faults and not just the person. Little crude, but that's how it is. We respect your will to stand by. Here's my question, how long do you think you can battle around with no end in sight? He is not ready to put his foot down for a career, that's because he doesn't see any point to it. This must have been a norm in his family.

Families have been managed through people who agree to take care of it, foregoing their own growth. Picture yourself there, or stay away.

Respect and value him, just as the way you are doing now. Look up to him for his convictions and don't expect him to change, no matter what. Give yourself a timeline, that you will need to bounce back if at all you wish to. Your life will not be smooth or rosy, you will have to still carve out your own path and bear the brunt as well. Guard against all the possible lows, but know your trade-offs.

Be prepared for the time it will take to settle down and the expenses as well. Stability and happiness are definitely a state of mind, still needing the world to be less corrosive.

Hi Simhon & (Cite Contribution),

Thanks for helping me to overcome this stressful situation. Yes, I know life is tough with him.

Simhon: As per the conversation held before the marriage, he has an MBA in Production. However, after the marriage, when I asked him to show his educational certificates, he denied and said I should have asked before the marriage, not now. There is no point in asking for the certificate now. I said, "Ok, whatever." I know I am playing with my life and destroying it.

(Cite Contribution): Yes, you are correct. He doesn't want to be self-dependent. Still, I am respecting him. Once again, thank you so much for the valuable suggestions and guidance.

My gosh, sorry but does this stuff still exist - are they for real? There is all kind of abuse present here if I am not wrong. I would say that being 29 years old with a job, you should not have quit your job in the first place. You should not have a DCA - this is abortion, right? Why for a shameless person whom you are trying to protect. You should make yourself strong and acknowledge that he lied to you and his whole life is a lie, maybe. If he is accusing you of being unfaithful in the first few months of marriage itself, consider what would happen later. I feel that if you happened to die, he will be happy to remarry again with pomp, getting all sympathetic - seeking sympathy from others. My cousin died of cancer two years ago; her husband is a jerk. Before her first death anniversary, he had gone through several girlfriends and a marriage and a divorce in the process and now another wedding in the planning. Sorry, guys, but we should not lose ourselves in the hope that they will do the same. Like they say in the US, "SUCK IT AND PLAY BALL," lose him, get a job, stay with your parents, or get a flat and live your life. I am not from India and do not want to be, especially with the recent rape scandal, but I am a woman and I understand your pain. Take care, my dear sister.

My suggestion would be to leave him alone for some time and start searching for a job to pursue a good career. Being single is not a bad thing. You can throw the ball in his court and politely tell him that you would be staying alone, and he can join you anytime once his perception of you changes. He needs to understand that life is simple and loving; until then, things can't be set right. Remember, time is the best medicine in these situations.

As per your post, I feel that your husband is in mental slavery, and there is a lot of unhappiness and frustration inside him, which he is projecting onto you. All he needs is some love to correct himself. Don't advise him; instead, give him options and allow him to think.

As for advice for you, find a good spiritual master and start falling in love with yourself so that the need for another person does not arise. Lack of inner fulfillment makes us depend on others.

If you put efforts into fixing him now, you will have to continue this until death.

Our educational system is rooted in the mind, and people have forgotten to think emotionally. Anger, frustration, and depression are diseases of the 20th century as we are not connected to our roots spiritually.

Hi Vandana,

Believe in yourself, that's the way this life is! Don't lose hope, and try to get a job. Believe in God; it will take time, but again, don't lose hope.

Regards,
Chetan.

Please pray every day so that both you and your husband, and both families, get the wisdom, love, and compassion to sail through this crisis. May God bless you. Divorce is usually not a solution; therefore, handle this with love and patience.

Regards,
Gayatri

Hi, Vandana,

Instead of asking anyone, you should read your message which you have posted. You will get your answer. First, you are saying my husband is this and that, and second, you're defending your husband? I really don't understand what you want.

In clear words, nobody is going to help you. Everything you need to do on your own. Be strong, think from your mind, and take good steps.

We live just once, so don't waste your life.

Best of luck,

Amrita Singh

You are 29, Vandana, a working lady.

Dear Vandana,

I am a retired army officer. All my life, I have lived within the bounds of laws and rules. I have come to respect established systems simply because they lead to a harmonious way of life. Everything is orderly and the way it should be! Everything is predictable. You can plan things!

I am also a father of two wonderful daughters who have made me and my wife proud to be parents. We taught them values that we believed to be correct. They found husbands for themselves and simply asked for our approval, which we gave without hesitation. They are leading happy and successful lives today.

I have told you all this because I firmly believe that good upbringing maketh a man or, for that matter, a woman.

Marriage is really a contract between a man and a woman to live with each other, to look after each other, procreate, and contribute to society. And in this equation, both partners have to be equal. I understand that may not always be possible, but when there is a differential, there is a need to adjust.

Quite obviously, your husband has not been brought up well. From your description of him, he appears to be a boor. There does not appear to be any chance of any change in him.

Your dilemma is obvious. Stay with him and lead a miserable life where even your children will be affected. Or simply leave him. Get a divorce! Start life afresh with someone who can care for you and give you the respect a wife deserves.

My advice to you, though I am no marriage counselor, is to leave him. Don't face the degradation of being a slave to an animal! Start all over again without delay.

May God be with you.

Good luck.

Colonel Gahlot

'TRURECRUIT'

09810081197

Dear Vandanaji,

It's rather pitiful to hear your story and I totally endorse the views of the learned senior Super Moderators. You have not mentioned whether your marriage was solemnized under the Hindu Marriage Act or the Indian Marriage Act. However, under the Hindu Marriage Act, Section 14 states:

Sec.14, No petition for divorce to be presented within one year of marriage. (1) Notwithstanding anything contained in this Act, it shall not be competent for any court to entertain any petition for dissolution of a marriage by a decree of divorce unless at the date of the presentation of the petition one year has elapsed since the date of the marriage:

Provided that the court may, upon application made to it in accordance with such rules as may be made by the High Court in that behalf, allow a petition to be presented before one year has elapsed since the date of the marriage on the ground that the case is one of exceptional hardship to the petitioner or of exceptional depravity on the part of the respondent, but if it appears to the court at the hearing of the petition that the petitioner obtained leave to present the petition by any misrepresentation or concealment.

So, unless you are able to prove some exceptional hardship, you cannot file a petition before June 17, 2013, and I feel it would be appreciated if you are able to save your marriage for the sake of the coming child too. You still have enough breathing time, so give a second thought before making such a major decision in your life.

Ashok Batta, Advocate

Dear Vandanaji,

It's rather pitiful to hear your story and I completely endorse the views of the learned Senior & Super Moderators. You have not mentioned whether your marriage was solemnized under the Hindu Marriage Act or the Indian Marriage Act. However, under the Hindu Marriage Act's Section 14, it states:

Sec. 14, No petition for divorce to be presented within one year of marriage. (1) Notwithstanding anything contained in this Act, it shall not be competent for any court to entertain any petition for dissolution of a marriage by a decree of divorce unless at the date of the presentation of the petition one year has elapsed since the date of the marriage:

Provided that the court may, upon application made to it in accordance with such rules as may be made by the High Court, allow a petition to be presented before one year has elapsed since the date of the marriage on the ground that the case is one of exceptional hardship to the petitioner or of exceptional depravity on the part of the respondent. However, if it appears to the court at the hearing of the petition that the petitioner obtained leave to present the petition by any misrepresentation or concealment.

So, unless you can prove some exceptional hardship, you cannot file a petition before 17th June 2013, and I feel it would be better if you can save your marriage for the sake of the coming child too. You still have enough time to think it over and give a second thought before making such a major decision in your life.

Ashok Batta, Advocate

Thank you, Advocate Batta, for the legal advice. What should Vandana know about her rights, irrespective of the divorce? How can they be realized, given this is a domestic scenario, where enforcement remains a far cry?

I request our members to put forward the questions that can help Vandana resolve her situation.

I thank Advocate Batta for his contribution and guidance. May God bless him!

Dear Ms. Cite Contribution,

Please refrain from being hypothetical at this stage. Let Ms. Vandana decide her course of action. It is easier to break than to make relations. This is a very sensitive issue that needs to be handled with great care, setting aside all egos at this stage. It is crucial to explore if things can be endured!

Thank you,
Ashok Batta
Advocate
011-42440600

Dear Vandana,

You have tried your best to put up with your husband, but he is not interested in you. Although this is not the proper forum to answer your query, yet I advise you to approach the Legal Aid Services Authority in the court wherever you are residing and file a petition under the Domestic Violence Act. Claim maintenance, the right to residence for yourself, and all the medical expenses you incurred during the pregnancy and after the delivery of the baby.

Thanks and regards. Wish you a better future.

Rldhingra, Advocate
9818309937

As a psychiatrist by profession, having seen similar situations, I suggest the following, but you need to decide.

1. It is not about him; it is about you. What is the meaning of your life, and what do you want out of it?
2. Your expectations have not been satisfied to date. Look into the rationale behind your wishful thinking that he might change.
3. A successful marriage happens when both work it out or keep working it out. I understand you are willing, but he!!!!

I hope this helps.

Dear Vandana,

Let me give you a few examples of what I have seen in my life. Hope these will help you to make up your mind.

Case 1: A BCom graduate marries her maternal uncle, who is not qualified, and decides to settle in his village against the wishes of her parents. She is happily married, though her father does not entertain his son-in-law.

Case 2: A graduate girl marries an MA-qualified man, who decides to settle in the village and is happily married, though she had to compromise on her own ambitions.

The above two cases are from South India.

Case 3: A 30-year-old BA (Hons) from the UK marries a 31-year-old BA (Hons) after going and staying with him in the States to judge if they are compatible. They run into problems soon after the wedding and after 5 years were on the verge of divorcing each other. The parents-in-law (both first-time immigrants to the UK) were committed and said irrespective of what the kids do, they will be friends and help the kids to iron out their differences. The kids decided to go to counseling and after a number of sessions, have lived together; they are happy. The girl stood by the boy even when he had a nervous breakdown for 2 years. He has supported her wish to quit the job and pursue her personal interests.

Case 4: A girl of Indian origin was married off to another man years ago. The girl gave up her job up north and moved to London. The mother-in-law started giving her trouble and asked to bring all the money that she had earned before the marriage, etc. She kept her a prisoner and collected the Social Security Benefit. To cut the story short, the girl's father went to visit her and brought her back up north under some pretext and she never went back again and got a divorce. She decided not to marry again and lives with her family and is in full-time work.

Good morning, everyone,

Thank you, everyone, for supporting me.

According to me, I would like to opt for case 4 (post by Simhan) by the end of this month. I am going to make a serious decision. According to the suggestions given by the Citehr professionals, my final decision would be as follows:

Under the Married Women And Children's (Maintenance) 125, a married woman is entitled to maintenance or allowance from her husband for herself and their children to maintain themselves during the marriage without having to wait for the divorce hearing in court.

If the husband fails to make one or more payments, the wife can make a complaint to the court, and the court will issue a notice to show cause to the husband. If he fails to show cause, he can be imprisoned for up to one month for each month's maintenance he defaults.

Please do suggest if I am right or wrong, and yes, I have started searching for a job. I am trying to distract my mind from my husband's side.

Regards,

Vandana

Madam,

I've read the posting. Before you go into a legal battle, please think twice. First, decide whether your willpower will change your husband's mindset. In case you are in a dilemma, get a good job and join the duty. The new workplace will give you some peace of mind. Then, later you can decide.

Though I am giving my own advice, please always consult with your family seniors before making a decision on the matter.

Dear Vandana,

Your decision is right. Please do find an advocate and keep consulting, not because you need to file a case, but entirely because you need to know your rights in full.

Wish you all the best!

Taking legal action only satisfies one's ego; this does not fix anyone's life. Our law system is broken.

Just by marrying legally doesn't make both husband and wife. It takes love, trust, affection, empathy, understanding, and both should be sensitive to each other.

As per my opinion, you should take some rest at your parents' home, then go to your job and seek legal advice from the concerned. Make a decision; you don't have a lot of time. It's crucial to take urgent action and move forward. Take care.

Dear Readers,

Thank you all for supporting me. I have registered my complaint against my husband with the National Commission for Women. Please let me know if this will help me because I would like to go for counseling with my husband before proceeding with a divorce.

Please suggest.

Regards,
Vandana Sharma

Dear Vandana,

Wish you all the best. Please speak to Advocate Batta, RL Dhingra, and Dr. Mohan Sunil Kumar. They will offer you guidance on what to expect from the steps you are taking and what you need to avoid. Try to maintain a journal; noting down details of the discussions will help you stay focused.

Wish you all the best. God bless you!

Dear Readers,

How are you all?

I have filed for a mutual divorce, which takes 6 months to finalize the divorce decree. However, now my husband (Prabhat) is not willing to pay his share of the money. We have a claim for 15 lakhs, but they are offering to pay only 7 lakhs in full after 6 months from the date of the first hearing. I am insisting that partial payment should be made, but his lawyer is not willing to accept my statement. The boy's side has doubts that I may refuse to sign the divorce on the final day.

Please suggest what I should do next.

Regards,
Vandana Sharma

Ask your lawyer to appeal to the court for the amount. Any proceeding for the payment needs to come from the court. What did your lawyer say about this?

Dear Vandana,

I have read your post on family matters. However, your latest post seems to be airing personal issues in a public forum. This platform is intended for HR professionals to discuss HR-related matters, not personal or matrimonial issues. It would be advisable for you to consult your lawyer for guidance.

Regarding [Cite Contribution]: You mentioned appreciating Vandana's latest post, but I fail to see the merit in it. In my opinion, this post should be deleted promptly rather than delayed.

Thank you,

Dinesh V Divekar

Dear Readers,

How are you all?

I have initiated mutual divorce proceedings, which typically take 6 months to finalize. However, my husband, Prabhat, is now unwilling to pay his share. We are entitled to 15 Lacs, but they are offering only 7 Lacs, to be paid fully after 6 months from the initial hearing. I am requesting partial payment, but his lawyer refuses to acknowledge my position. The concern from their side is that I might back out of the divorce agreement on the final day.

Please advise me on the next steps.

Regards,

Vandana Sharma

I read whatever is posted over here. Please don't mind, but what I feel is that somewhere it shows your immaturity. Don't point fingers and blame things that you already knew before your marriage. If you have professional experience, don't mix it with your personal life. Both you and your husband need counseling. Best wishes for your life.

Vandana,

I request you to think openly and also consider the other side of the situation. As you mentioned the social difference between you and your husband, I am sorry to say that this may not be the case. One who holds a Master's in Business Administration and is also a Science graduate can never have a rural attitude.

It is up to you now to understand him deeply. Try to enter his heart and sense his soul. In most divorce cases, issues arise due to a characterless husband, guilt, or physical unfitness. Your case seems to be much softer. Stay positive and try to get closer to him; then, surely, he will also come closer to you. The change you are expecting can only happen then.

Think positive.

Mangesh Wakodkar
Aurangabad

Dear Dinesh,

It's extremely essential to remain honest; however, speaking without complete information isn't the right thing. Please read the thread right from the beginning. We have already addressed the point that this being an HR Forum wouldn't be the appropriate place to discuss this topic. However, in the light of the extreme situation, Vandana required help rather than us acting from our ivory towers. Hence, we all contributed with our suggestions and contacts.

Contributing to a thread needn't only be restricted to finding faults. Thank you once again for your time and attention. By the way, the appreciation/thanks that I rendered to Vandana was to humanly support the fact that she still considers sharing the advancements with us. Hope that is not a crime by any standards.

While understanding Dinesh's apparent consternation and dismay on the matter not being "HR related," I appreciate (Cite Contribution)'s opinion.

Sometimes exceptions have to be made. Although the member was advised to seek help in the appropriate forum and with professionals dealing with such matters, as HR professionals, it is not wrong to render urgent assistance to a fellow recruitment professional who desperately needed help and was at a very crucial and vulnerable point in her life.

Many senior members, including our Super Moderator Nashbramhall, have given their opinions. They would not have done so if they thought otherwise, but that the case deserves attention and help, and the member appears genuinely in severe distress. Is there any harm if one can save a distressed life or family? A key characteristic of HR professionals is that they are humanitarian.

Many organizations, including PSUs, have Employee Welfare Cells or Counselling Sections, which render assistance to employees who are having marital discord, habitual indebtedness, alcoholism, drug addiction, or seek any kind of guidance related to their family.

Relationships and family life are important aspects of employees as human beings. A case study on such a matter or topic is not entirely out of the purview that it deserved deletion, especially after many, especially senior members, have put in their effort and time; it would be unfair to waste their efforts.

I am sure this thread will be of help to members in the future who may find themselves or their employees/co-workers in a similar quandary.

Warm regards.

Dear Vandhana,

As a matter of compensation, either party can demand it. The court can also determine the compensation amount to be paid. Even on the final judgment day, you can request the court to instruct the opponent to pay compensation.

However, do not wait until the last minute. Approach your lawyer and ask to add one more application for compensation. Your lawyer will guide you and assist in determining the amount and obtaining your compensation from the opponent.

Dear Readers,

After posting my new update about my case, I read all the comments. Some of them were disappointing, but most of them were motivating.

Well, Dinesh Divekar, you said, "My post is washing dirty laundry in public." Can you clarify if I used any abusive or inappropriate language as you suggested? I would appreciate an answer to your comment. Now, I don't think I posted my concern in the wrong forum.

So, my case is very common these days. Is the increasing divorce rate in India solely due to women's empowerment?

This Wednesday, I have a meeting with my lawyer. I will keep you updated.

Thank you all for the moral support. Stay in touch.

Dear Vandana,

Since you have asked for a reply from me emphatically in your latest post, I am writing this post. Please click here to know the meaning of the idiom "wash one's dirty linen in public." From the meaning, it is well apparent that dirty linen can be washed in public without being abusive.

Before including this idiom in my last post, I had checked its meaning and then I had written. I found the meaning of the idiom quite matching to your post; hence its inclusion. Otherwise, personally I have nothing against you. I wish you all the best and I wish all of your woes to end soon!

By the way, I have unsubscribed myself from this thread and I would not like to comment further.

Thanks,
Dinesh V Divekar