Extra-marital Affairs With Colleagues - Serious Matter

Dear Pradeepa and others,

This is a very serious problem and I am glad you have put it on record for everyone to consider how best to combat it.

However, I cannot help thinking that a 24/7 relationship like the one you have described would have the most adverse effects on each participant's work - how can you concentrate on work when your mind is constantly wandering to other nonwork issues?

Also, the more public such an 'affair' becomes, it starts sending wrong messages to other colleagues and encourages them to follow the same example - utterly damaging work relationships and eventually harming the organisation itself because work suffers considerably by such behaviour .... not to mention the suffering of innocent members of the participants' immediate family when such extra-marital relationships develop.

Perhaps HR could counsel such participants tactfully and also spread the word around that such relationships are highly damaging to everyone and should be avoided at all costs. Comments from colleagues on this suggestion?

Jeroo

fantastic article Pradepa, very well written and makes hell a lot of common sense. I think HR in organizations should address this issue in a more systematic way. Maybe begin a forum to start with. Thanks again. Anup Soans

Hi Pradeepa, I am sure that your message will reach all people employed in corporates especially BPOs and IT firms. A similar kind of affair is on in my current organization as well. One of our Project Managers, who is married with one child, has an affair with his team member. After knowing this his wife used to come to our office weeping but this man had no heart for her. He asked her to leave the house and stay with her parents. After the management came to know of this, they fired him. He's currently working in Bangalore. I appreciate the management to have taken such a good decision. He was a very good resource but if we hadn't taken any decision he could have done more damage to others around.

Hi Pradeepa, yr article on extra-marital affairs with colleagues is a thought provoking.one. Nowadays culture has gone down.Everyone should have moral values.Regards. Anukrish

Dear Pradeepa,
Quite an interesting and relevant discussion.What you have described is absolutely right. We are reading the likes of Neethatri Hatyakand, Susairaj/Grover murder case,Hyderabad, Banglore tragedies everyday in National and Local dailies.This has started happening in well educated middle class aspiring families.This is bound to happpen, as we have forgotten the "Ekanta" and self introspeaction in the daily speed of life.Added to that the media is playing havoc where serials full of Murder, Property disputes, Double Games, Extra Marital Relations, Family Discords etc. are shown in plenty and which are being watched by Three generations together in most of the houses, over dinner day after days.
In one of his verses Samartha Ramdas has said "Ramarupi Antaratma darshane Dosha Nasati", which means If we see the Atmaram or the Divya Tatva in ourselves in the form of Rama or for that matter in any other form, it will burn all our Doshas and will always keep us on righteous path.But today to talk like this amongst colleagues, who would like to spend the evenings in Discotheques and Bars, has also become a matter of Joke. We need to give ourselves at least 30 minutes of undisturbed Ekanta to be with ourselves and experience the power of "NOW" i.e. that very moment, as explained by Ekhardt Tolle in his Book 'The Power Of Now'. It will take us beyond happiness and sorrow as we will experience 'the Joy of Being' by witnessing "Conscious Presence". We shall transcend the mind and time continuam which are the 'Bandhanas' we are all entangled in.This is the only Salvation or Freedom from Todays Societal ills and Evils. If Practiced collectively like in the Churches or in the Kirtans/Pravachanas it may have better and faster effect to correct the Collective Shoka and Dukkha.
Hope you agree with me.
Thanks,
P.R.Joshi

Pradeepa,
It is a well written initiative. I feel management have a social responsibility in this issue. It is the organisation that brings both sexes together at work. Hence it is necessary to maintain the work place at the professional level.
a) no hideouts within office.
b) encourage meeting/discussion only in conference rooms
c) Counsel chatting/roaming people
d) Family socialising during functions

Dear Pradeepa,
Very nice article.When a marriage hit rock bottom its not only the partners but also the kids who has to undergo through an emotional wreck.
Since these issues are not addressed many people dont know how to deal with this.Since I am a psychologist many people come to me with same issues.
There are people who do not know where to draw limits,there are others who fall for emotional black mail.I think that these issues should be addressed should be even brought in the HR policies.
cheers to pradeepa.
Dhannya

Hi
Pradeepa sounds pessimistic ?who flirts with whom is not a matter of concern an(y) individual who wants to talk about him/herself would start a conversation. To what extent it is taken and understood depends upon those involved. Having a healthy & Jovial discussion cannot be termed as flertitious, any guy / Girl appreciating someones top or a lower is not offensive. how you take a conversation & how you interpret matters most. Extra maritial affairs & relationships dont last long & loose talks & barbs cannot be stopped if we sit & ponder about who is talking about us & become conscious about ourselves, we would not enjoy working in an(y) organisation.. Hence Pradeepas views are childish statuatory warnings ? -- its like sharing your gossips or probably her experience horribly gone wrong...We are grown upps & we know how & what to say & when - not dictated ?:icon10:
Rgds
Vijay

Iam very surprised to read of such extra marital affairs building up in office. I feel that every relationship if kept within proper boundaries would retain the sanctity it is supposed to exude.
Iam presently working in the GCC in HR. Here the incidence of extra martial affairs is low probably due to the cultural differences in the business environments.

i think we should respect that girl and appreciate that she has been so honest to the organnization. lets be human once again and help that poor female.