Extramarital Affair With Co Worker - Pl Suggest A Solution.

Dear Friends,

Some days ago, there was a good post/article by one of our friends on extramarital affairs with colleagues. Recently, there were two shocking incidents in Bangalore that led to the death of two couples working in a top MNC in Bangalore. The reason for their deaths was traced back to extramarital affairs.

I shared that article with all my colleagues.

A couple of days ago, we discovered that two of our colleagues, both married, were having heated arguments. Upon inquiry, we learned that they were engaged in an extramarital affair. Despite their dedication and hard work on assignments, we did not wish to lose them. We also wanted to respect their personal lives, so we called them in and simply advised them against engaging in any arguments or disruptions in the office. Following this, the lady was absent for two days and then returned to work on the third day. There was no further discussion about their relationship. However, other colleagues have now started gossiping and speculating about their affair, leading someone to inform the hero's wife.

The following day, the lady, now seen as a villain, arrived at the office with her brother and caused a scene on the premises. It was a challenging task to escort them out of the office. Subsequently, the lady became frustrated and decided to leave the city, seeking relocation to another city for a new job. In an attempt to retain her, we offered to transfer her to our Mumbai office, which she accepted. Now, our hero also wishes to be transferred to the Mumbai office without informing his family members.

We are now in a state of confusion...🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🎉🎉🎉

Regards,
Bhavani Kumar.

Bhavani,

Do not entertain these sorts of activities inside the office premises; let them do whatever they want strictly outside the office. As an ideal HR professional, you should call them and convince them to maintain the decency and decorum prescribed by the company. If it happens again, take strong disciplinary actions. Remember, the company is more important than the individuals.

Hi Bhavani,

Didn't you ask your hero why he wants a transfer to Mumbai (I know you know about it, but let him speak)? Apart from that, you can explain to the employee that the decision to transfer someone to a different location is made by the company, not the employee's choice.

Chitra

Dear Bhavani Kumar,

Only Goddess Bhavani can help in such a situation. We come across such incidents more often nowadays, which is a result of materialistic thinking. Our ancient ethos are almost vanished. There is a need to give inputs from our religious scriptures to avoid repetitions. To me, shifting to Mumbai will not solve the problem; there is a need to counsel the incumbents on spiritual and religious value systems.

As old teachings are being dropped from school syllabus, the entire generation is moving on the wrong path. There is a need to conduct various training programs that will change the mindset of the people at large and IT professionals in particular.

In case you are interested, I also conduct this type of programs, which bring about total transformation. If interested, you may contact me on the personal email id - pvthete@rediffmail.com.

Dear Friends,

Some days before there was a good post/article by one of our friends on extramarital affairs with colleagues. Even we had two shocking incidents in Bangalore which led to the death of two couples of Top MNCs in Bangalore. Finally, the reason for death was traced as an extramarital affair. I had circulated that article to all my colleagues.

The main story is, a couple of days before we found two of our colleagues - both married, are having harsh arguments. When enquired, we came to know that they are having an extramarital affair. Since both of them are very hardworking and very keen on their assignments, we didn't want to lose them. We didn't have anything to do with their personal life, so we called them and just warned them not to indulge in any arguments or fighting on the office premises. After that, the lady was absent for 2 days, and on the 3rd day, she is back to work. There was no discussion on their relationship. Nowadays, the rest of our colleagues started gossiping and discussing their relationship, and someone took the extreme step of informing our Hero's wife.

The next day, the lady villain came with her brother to the office and created a scene in the office premises. We had a very tough time sending them off the office premises. With this incident, the lady got fed up and decided to leave the city, wanting to relocate to some other city and a new job. Since we didn't want to lose them, we offered her to transfer her to our Mumbai office, and she accepted. Now our hero also wants to be transferred to the Mumbai office without the knowledge of their family members.

We are confused...

Regards,
Bhavani Kumar.

The decision to transfer an employee solely depends on the organization considering the individual and organizational needs.

You are already aware of the reason for the employee's request... so why do you want to create another ruckus.

Dear Bhavani,

I do agree with the replies posted. Please don't entertain such requests for transfer, as transfers should be based on the needs of the company and the employee. As you mentioned that the rest of the employees have become aware of the 'love story,' accepting such a request may disrupt the work environment.

Swati

I don't understand why, if two people want to spend their life together, other people have a problem. Why should the company not retain them just because they want to spend life together? Well, if they are creating problems, and the lady has decided to stay away from him and move on, then why shouldn't the company retain them? It's strange to see that people are more interested in their personal life and less in work life. Work is work; it should have nothing to do with their personal life. - Geeta

One can build a strong relationship within the office with office friends. However, the limits of the relationship should always be kept in mind.

Office ethics should be considered to maintain the decorum of the office. I understand that the office has nothing to do with personal life since the work of an individual is more important.

In today's world, with good quality of work, one should always possess all the job attributes.

-Khushboo

Hi,

Though it is very natural for any organization to put forth best efforts to retain its best people, while going through the posting, I realized that a couple of measures were taken by the company to avoid such occurrences in the future. These measures included warning the individuals and relocating the lady to another location of her choice. However, the problem remains unsolved. Having experienced the drama in the office premises once and having no assurance about preventing repeated acts through any proposed solutions, I advocate the TERMINATION of both employees.

Although they were very good performers, after such incidents, it is tough to believe that they will regain the momentum and do justice to their jobs. Furthermore, it not only creates unrest between the two individuals but, as rightly mentioned by you, it affects the office environment. Gossips, discussions, and debates regarding such matters start taking place, which is detrimental to the company. I also believe that such a decision by the management will serve as a warning to other employees, preventing similar incidents from occurring in the future.

This is just a viewpoint from my end based on the situation described in your post. I wish you luck in managing it in a better way.

Dear Bhavani,

I also agree with others. Do not entertain such requests. It is not a healthy practice.

Hi,

I also feel that we should not use this site for talking about extramarital affairs. We need to discuss something constructively. These issues are to be dealt with by the concerned HR.

Regards,

James

Hi all seniors,

Good suggestions from all our site members, but I want to comment on the person who has posted this article. Sorry in advance if I hurt you, Mr. Kumar. As we are in the field of HR, we are not supposed to underestimate or address anybody with silly names like "Hero" or something else. Of course, he committed a mistake, which was unethical; however, we should not disrespect anyone.

Kindly ignore if I hurt you.

Dear Mr. Venkatesh,

Thank you for your comments. I have used the word "Hero" since he is a super genius with an excellent academic and professional track record. I still hold the same respect for him and the lady as I did before this incident, and I treat them in the same way as I used to. However, he has become a topic of discussion for everyone in the office, not for his achievements but for a single mistake he made.

I agree that everybody makes mistakes, and nobody should be underestimated or called silly names. I apologize if I have wronged or hurt anyone.

Regards, Bhavani Kumar.

Dear Mr. James,

I posted this thread because the employee wants to be transferred to our Mumbai office, or else he is ready to resign. However, we want to retain him, as he is a genius and a hard worker. If I am not mistaken, we are not discussing extramarital life. I seek our seniors' suggestions on whether to retain these kinds of employees or not.

Sorry if I have hurt you.

Regards,
Bhavani Kumar.

Management should not transfer the hero to the Mumbai office. This will lead to serious trouble for the lady, and she can go to any extent for revenge.

Hi, giving him what he wants will again create a problem in your Mumbai office, it's sure. As you know, girls dare to do anything to save their husbands for themselves. Just inform the hero's wife about this so that you can at least avoid another bad scene in the office. Or else, give him the transfer to Mumbai and give the girl a transfer back here. For God's sake, don't have such type of affair as it spoils one's reputation and life. Guys, you don't have any problems except your wife fighting with you, but for girls, their life is spoiled.

ARVIND.P
PONDICHERRY UNIVERSITY

Dear All,

Any such issues can be politely communicated to the employees, requesting them to keep all personal tasks and matters outside of the office environment. We are here to support you and are open to engaging in any healthy activities that you may wish to organize within the office premises.

Regards,
Ramamurthy R

Dear Bhavani,

I do agree with the suggestions you have received. You should try to speak with that individual and explain the company's policies regarding transfers. An organization is designed to uphold professional discipline and should not accommodate an individual's convenience for maintaining an illicit relationship.

Regards,
Manisha

As long as the person is performing the job he or she is hired for, I think each party should be addressed individually and told to ensure that whatever is taking place is kept outside of the job, if anything is happening. Then move on.

These are core HR issues, and as HR professionals, we cannot turn a blind eye. Indeed, you have done the right thing by transferring the heroine out of the city. If the hero's request for a transfer to Mumbai is to be accepted, then the story doesn't end. A more steamy chapter is only going to be added. Let us not be moralistic and preach to others. When employees of both sexes mingle together in close cabins, some sort of infatuations develop, and they would eventually destroy the family setups. Is it not the office setups responsible for this? While some private space is to be allowed, the ergonomics shall be fashioned keeping this aspect in focus.

Ultimately, you may politely refuse the hero's transfer.

Regards,
KK Nair

Dear Mr. Kumar,

I too agree with you fully and have mentioned this earlier. These types of discussions do not have any relevance, and if we look closely, many times they are not even well-drafted. The question has to be asked by the members themselves before they post?

Regards,
Ramesh Menon

Dear Bhavani,

I have gone through the email you sent, which clearly shows the indiscipline of the person. It goes against the norms of the organization. Now is not the time to argue or do a post-mortem on who is right or wrong. The steps you need to take are to ask them to resign or, as you did, transfer one person to your branches. If the individual is requesting a transfer, do not grant it. Giving in would go against the ethics of the organization, leading to a decline in the office culture and productivity of all employees. Gossip would prevail over work.

I am certain that if I were in your position, I would speak to the individual causing issues and request they cease their disruptive behavior and focus on work. If not, then they should be asked to resign because good job performance cannot compensate for poor character in an employee.

Dear Bhavani,

Firstly, you should motivate both of them and give some time to both of them. Try your level best. If they are motivated, it's good. If not, then you should warn the hero and tell him that we can't grant you a transfer; otherwise, you can quit the job because he is not more important than the company.

Thanks,
Abhishek

It means you feel that you will not find this stuff outside. According to me, this is not possible. Either you have to review your recruitment process. Throw out from this organization and even warn them that you will terminate them and disclose their indiscipline behavior in the relieving letter.

So simple Kumar. Just issue a warning memo that romance or family feud is not allowed within the premises of the company. Ask for an explanation. If continuous disturbance persists, apply firm hands to transfer/suspend/terminate. We cannot run the show with nasty people even if their productivity is good.

Of late, many workers have taken HR to task with the 'aftermath masala' effect of weekends. If necessary, rewrite the recruitment policy that spouses cannot work in the same office.

Let's be a Hitler to wrongdoers and not to the polite staff. I have never feared to fire the management also when it encourages such practices latently even if the troublemaker is supported by the division head.

Regards, Chandru Manager - HR

In my opinion, transferring one employee is quite justifiable, especially considering their performance and job devotion. Transferring the other would again be a blow to the company's image and could spoil the atmosphere if they end up in the same office. Somebody else may find themselves in a difficult situation if not you. Transferring the other to the BBY office is in no way advisable, in my opinion! Best of luck.

Regards.

Dear Bhavani Kumar,

Please remember that nobody is indispensable in an organization. The operations may get stuck for a while without an individual's presence, but it will never stop. Though your hero may be very good at his work, his attitude doesn't reflect the same. Giving him a chance to move to Mumbai would send a wrong signal within the system.

I strongly suggest that you go ahead and give him two options: either stay at the Bangalore office or leave the job.

Regards,
Madhu

Discipline should be maintained in the office. Personal life has to be given its space outside the office.

Regards,
Kavitha

Hi All,

I agree with Khushboo... after all there is some office ethic which should be followed by everyone, but gossiping really makes people turn wild and they may take extreme steps as well. If there are any issues, they must get sorted, and others should never gossip. If the relationship was strongly called for office ethics, gossiping calls for much more than that. So people should never gossip... this may lead to losing nice humans for their silly mistakes.

Vidya

As previously stated, we often find ourselves caught up in the materialistic world at the expense of our moral values. It is important to provide guidance so that individuals can build a better future for themselves.

The office should not interfere in the personal matters of the couple, but of course, the employees should not bring their personal problems to the office. I think couples should not be kept on the same floor to work.

Bhawani,

I am 100% in agreement with the reply posted, but one thing is going unnoticed. You have mentioned that you don't want to lose them. Why? I don't think so. Please counsel them that they do not have permission to bring their personal matters to the office. Give them a proper warning and please do not indicate that you do not want to lose him/her. Where gossiping/discussions are taking place, please discourage that and engage them in work-related talks. You are the best judge as you are there to handle these issues. Sorry if this hurts.

Thank you.

Bhavani,

As I understand, you would like to retain both of them as they are good performers even after the incident. I assume by now, your Head of HR, Business Unit Head, etc., will be aware of it, and they are supportive of this plan.

Following are my inputs:

If you have support from your Senior Management as mentioned above:

- As I see, there is no problem with the lady who moved to Mumbai as long as she is delivering her job.
- You'll have to counsel him and make him understand the difference between personal and official life.
- Let him know not to disturb her in any way to avoid any legal action by her.
- Also, you have to ensure that they are under different business units and there shouldn't be any direct or indirect reporting.
- Let him take leave and visit a temple or somewhere to have some peaceful time.
- Let him know that a transfer to Mumbai is not feasible.

- Once he is back to work, I hope he may start working normally.
- If he starts working well, let his manager send him an appreciation email to boost his morale.

- If he lacks performance and is still in the same situation, then keep him under performance observation and terminate him.
- If he performs well but is still in the same situation, let him resign and leave.

If you have not informed your Senior Management as mentioned above:

- As you have enough inputs, you can share your views with your Head of HR or someone you report to and take his/her views and then take necessary steps.

Good Luck! Pradeep

Wat Mr. Pradeep has told here, I agree with him. Earlier in my previous post, I mentioned this thing very briefly. I totally agree with Mr. Pradeep, and this is the best way to track them. Thanks and regards, Abhishek.

Hi All,

I have gone through all the emails. Nowadays, this is becoming quite a common issue. I feel that what we talk about concerning the culture of the country, which is always said to be the best thing about India, is going somewhere else. It is their personal matter, and we can't do anything or interfere in it unless it affects the office atmosphere.

Regards,
Swati

Hi,

I suggest you should transfer only the lady to another office because she asked first. Why should the guy follow her and ruin the peace of your Bombay office too? Such incidents should not be entertained. At the office, they should follow the code of conduct.

Hi,

If the lady has accepted the transfer, it means she is no longer interested in Hero. Let her live peacefully and don't allow the transfer to Hero.

Indu

I suppose transferring the lady is okay, and you have done the right thing. Secondly, you must ensure that the hero shouldn't be transferred to Mumbai. Please suggest an alternate place other than Mumbai. We need to ensure that company decorum prevails at any cost.

Regards,
Mihir

Hi Bhavani,

The solution should always be identified for the problem. Since the lady has asked for a change and been transferred to Mumbai, the least you should ensure is not to transfer the guy to Mumbai. However, he might be asking for a change as he doesn't want to continue in a gossip-filled role in the current location. So, he may be given the choice of a transfer anywhere else other than Mumbai and given a second opportunity to get back to work professionally. Additionally, he should also be counseled and made aware that he is staking too much for nothing by trying to cling to an extra-marital affair. Once he is made aware of his mistakes, give him some time to get back to normal and start working again in his areas of expertise.

This is my opinion, and this should be able to reinstate a state of normalcy to a greater extent.

Warm regards,
Swaminath Adabala

Dear Friends,

Some days before, there was a good post/article by one of our friends on extramarital affairs with colleagues. Even we had two shocking incidents in Bangalore which led to the death of two couples of a top MNC in Bangalore. Finally, the reason for death was traced to an extramarital affair.

I had circulated that article to all my colleagues. The main story is, a couple of days before, we found two of our colleagues - both married - having harsh arguments. When inquired, we came to know that they are having an extramarital affair. Since both of them are very hardworking and very keen on their assignments, we didn't want to lose them. We didn't have anything to do with their personal life, so we called them and just warned them not to indulge in any arguments or fighting on the office premises. After that, the lady was absent for two days, and on the third day, she is back to work. There was no discussion on their relationship. Nowadays, the rest of our colleagues started gossiping and discussing their relationship, and someone took the extreme step of informing our hero's wife.

The next day, the lady villain came with her brother to the office and created chaos on the office premises. We had a very tough time sending them off the office premises. With this incident, the lady got fed up and decided to leave the city, wanting to relocate to another city and find a new job. Since we didn't want to lose them, we offered her a transfer to our Mumbai office, and she accepted. Now, our hero also wants to be transferred to the Mumbai office without the knowledge of their family members.

We are confused... 😱😱😱😱😱😱😂😂😂

Regards,
Bhavani Kumar.

Do not entertain his request and tell him strictly that it is the company's decision to transfer people. You need to gain respect for your work culture, and if you become a little strict on that, it does not matter. 😊👍

Yes, I do agree with Mr. Kumar. Whenever any issue arises related to employees, it should be discussed as a part of Human Resources. However, focusing more on personal relationships, affairs, marriage, or illicit relationships may lead in a different direction. Therefore, we should also equally address other issues.

Regards, Ashfaque

You are the right person to solve this problem because you understand both mentalities.

Regards, N.S. Bhanuprakasha

Dear Bhavani,

I strongly believe you should not retain such employees. Maybe it is not good for the company in the short run, but in the long run, it will be beneficial. Otherwise, your office will become an extramarital activity center in the name of personal life, and how long will you transfer people if the numbers increase? On the whole, it is India, not the US, where anybody can do anything in the name of freedom and issues of personal life.

Regards,
Asha

Hi there,

I have read the replies of others. I believe if both of them are good at their job, they should be given one chance. It should be made clear to them that whatever relationship they have should be kept outside the office, not inside. This also depends on the company's policy. Speak to them and make the point clear.

Regards,
Y S Rao.

Hi Bhavani,

My sincere advice would be to terminate these employees and let them know what kind of treatment will be given if any individual forgets their mere responsibility of being faithful to their behalf. Moreover, if they are more involved in their extramarital affairs, what is the guarantee that they are going to give their best services to an organization in the future? Please do not hesitate to punish them. Now, every employee will never indulge in such kind of activity.

Just get the hero out of your office ASAP. Fire him. His behavior of not being able to manage his relationship with his wife and then asking for a transfer clearly demonstrates that he is a person with low maturity and highly non-conforming to social norms. This tendency may lead to trouble for the company as well unless your company is in some kind of business where these shrewd people are needed. I have encountered two such employees in my client organizations (during my consultancy practice). Good and mature people are not as rare a commodity as we think.

Vijay

When inquired, we came to know that they are having an extramarital affair.

If they are having an extramarital affair, it is their personal life. No HR or anyone can interfere in this matter. However, you should give a very strict warning to male employees that it should not happen in the office in the future, whatever their wives did.

If it happens again, terminate the male employees involved. This will be the final solution. Despite many friends and seniors suggesting termination, it is not the solution. Mr. Kumar mentioned that they are very sincere and hardworking. So, it is not necessary that their relationship will affect work. Anyone can be affected by this, and after a survey, we found that there are 60% extramarital affairs with colleagues. I don't think this will hamper the company's work.

Days later, our colleagues started gossiping and discussing their relationship, and someone even informed our Hero's wife. Gossiping and discussion are human nature, and you can't stop them. However, you must find out the gossiper and give them a strict warning in front of the Management Committee.

Drop an email to all members stating that nobody can discuss their personal issues during office hours. If found, management can take action against them, including termination.

Thanks,
Abhishek

Well, ask him to give a reason for seeking a transfer to Mumbai. It is illegal to have a relationship with another woman when you are married. Therefore, any illegal activity must not be tolerated or encouraged in the office, especially when it has become public. You could transfer him to Mumbai if he obtains a written 'no-objection certificate' from his wife, and only if the transfer is deemed desirable by the company.

The way you put the question in the poll can be changed a bit. Obviously, because they are hardworking, it makes sense to retain them.

The question could have been: Should your company take a step to provide counseling to them, or should your company not interfere in this regard?

Hi Bhavani,

This is a matter of serious concern. As we see many similar types of replies are coming forward, therefore explaining the need for having a policy to deal with such types of situations. This is a delicate problem that needs to be dealt with carefully.

If we see the sequence of events, the lady having an affair did not come to the office for 2-3 days following the incident. Following this, all the employees started gossiping about them. It is a criminal waste of work time as well as it disturbs the office environment. At the same time, it even creates a culture turbulence, and if such things are encouraged or ignored (as ignoring the problem is not going to solve the issue), it will lead to a serious change in the office environment and culture. In such instances, we need to have a company policy that restricts such types of behavior in the office. In the current situation, a strict warning should be issued to the members involved. Hence, the question of transfer does not arise.

Secondly, Kumaracme, I do understand and agree with you that CiteHR should not become a juicy gossip center. But there are certain exceptions, and the above-mentioned problem is one of them. Being HR, we should always be aware of the problems arising where human factors are to be considered.

Smitaa

Quote: kumaracme;466333] [/quote]

In my opinion, if the lady has agreed to take a transfer and continue working with the company, then the measures taken by the organization to support her are fine.

The gentleman seems to be unstable at this moment. In this state, if he is transferred to the Mumbai branch (just because the company doesn't want to lose him), then it will be a 'passing the parcel' solution which won't be helpful in the long run. You may offer this gentleman to take a period of leave and sort things out. Else, you should let him make the decision. Professionally, we can't do much in this matter.

I think it's better to terminate both employees because they have been causing issues for the organization, either today or tomorrow. Even if the company transfers one of them to another branch, if they do not transfer the other, he will surely stay in contact with that girl, to which no one has the right to object. Now, the company must decide whether to take the risk. If the company is willing to take the risk and relocate her, other people will surely start gossiping unnecessarily, leading to a bad reputation for the company. People will then take the company for granted. I strongly believe that the company can find better replacements. While we may not be able to directly compare the work of others, we can certainly strive to hire the best candidates available. Therefore, it's best not to entertain such situations and avoid disrupting the company's environment.

Let the lady alone be transferred to another location. Do not touch the husband; let him work in the same place. Don't consider his request for getting transferred to Mumbai. I didn't understand why the company struggled to control outsiders. Just push them out, saying personal problems are not entertained at the workplace. Suspending good human capital is not advisable; instead, counsel the employees. If they decide that both cannot live together, they can apply for divorce and live separately. We should consider employees individually but not as husband and wife. We have to utilize their talent.

Dear,

This kind of problem is regular in today's scenario. In an organization where both male and female employees are working together, HR personnel must be ready to face these kinds of problems. In my opinion, you should not transfer any of them. By transferring them, you are encouraging other employees to indulge in this kind of activity. In that condition, how many employees will you transfer? It is better for you to make a hard decision.

Regards,
Manish Swami

Mr. Kumar,

With due respect,

I very much agree with you and respect your views, but I have one apprehension. This also comes into HR discussions and knowledge as a case study, for example, when answering questions on how to handle such employees. Yes, but there should not be pulp fiction on the same topics and they should not be brought in as elements of gossip.

As an HR Professional, I suggest a coaching discussion as a great tool. If that does not work, then go for a hard decision and terminate the employee. The cost of supporting such a culture can bring HR issues to your organization. Therefore, it is better to bear the cost of losing them or vice versa.

Regards,
Hammad

It is disturbing when someone interferes with an individual's freedom unless it disturbs the functioning of the organization. It is ideal to counsel and help the concerned parties rather than expose them to all the other colleagues. In this case, the exposure is what has made things worse rather than solve the problem. The action of the husband shows he genuinely cares to solve the problem.

You are helping to ruin two families. These are short-term and mostly physical, and distance itself will finish the affair. You are responsible for the social lives of employees, being an HR worker. How can you allow this to happen in the organization? It is a matter of moral turpitude. You have to seriously look into it.

Gyan Prakash Mishra
Dy. General Manager - HR
Dalmia Cement Bharat Limited

Yeh! Proximity breeds familiarity and closeness. Workplace romance is no new phenomenon in the corporate world. The twist in the tale is that the couple is in the same establishment. Recent studies indicate that little flirtations improve productivity provided they do not hamper the work and work outputs. EMA usually donot last long, and the best way to treat them is to ignore them until they become public shows. In such cases, counseling and admonition, if needed, are the tools on hand.

Well, I guess your company should handle the situation professionally. I am sure that this person will not leave the organization if not transferred to the Mumbai office. I don't think transferring him is a good idea. In fact, by not doing so, you will be helping him remain loyal to his family. Mind it, a person who does not have the guts to accept his actions in front of his family - who is not loyal, can't be loyal to the company as well. My advice is to let him solve things on his own and consider that you are not helping the lady who has been transferred to the Mumbai office. You are not being fair to her by making her face the same problem again if this guy goes to Mumbai.

All the best!

I think the step which you have taken for the lady is right, but I do not support the man. I feel that if he wants the transfer, then he should first inform his family. Only then should you consider his request; otherwise, his wife and relatives will come to the office and create an unnecessary scene.

Hello Bhavani,

On the similar instance, my advice would be to terminate the hero on grounds of a code of conduct violation. If not, then ask him to leave the organization with immediate effect. The Indian market is not lacking in resources. I'm sure you will find someone much better than this so-called "hero."

Tell the hero that if he intends serving in the same organization, he must accept the workplace chosen by the organization. Don't make them feel indispensable. Meanwhile, look for replacements and ask them to leave when the replacement is ready to join or developed from within. This will signal to others not to use the organization as their 'love spot'. It is also worth mentioning that having an affair is anyone's personal matter, and the organization has nothing to do with it. However, to continue such affairs, one must maintain the decorum of the place they serve. HR can provide counseling to guide them in their ongoing work attitude.

Dear Bhavanikumarm,

Extra-marital affairs, as long as they do not interfere with the functioning or the general environment of the workplace, are the private matter of the parties involved. The office or employees should not interfere in it.

However, the moment it starts interfering or causing disturbance to co-workers or the general functioning of the workplace, a warning or a conversation should be initiated. It is not advisable to mention it as the "affair" but rather as their general disposition or what people have mentioned to the HR concerned.

In cases where there is public display, any events, or general discomfort regarding the affair (as mentioned in the article in the original post), a discussion should take place:

- Have a conversation with the individuals involved or ask their closest friend to address the rumors circulating in the workplace.
- Counsel them and emphasize that personal matters are best kept private and outside of business boundaries.
- If the situation escalates to public conflicts or unacceptable behavior, the most senior authority in HR or their department should intervene to address the ethical concerns.
- If they seek help, suggest psychiatric assistance (emphasize that it is not only for sick individuals), hold a joint session to reach a consensus, or consider a transfer.

Circumstances and desires to tread forbidden paths can drive deviant behavior. Affairs are sensitive matters as they often cross social boundaries and must be handled with care.

Thank you.

I definitely agree.

This forum is not meant to serve as an agony aunt column. The decorum should be maintained not only in the office but also in this forum.

Such queries do gain interest of the members, but I feel they move away from their track.

Best, Renu

Colleagues,

I am from a BPO Industry and have seen many incidents like this. Let me share my views with you.

As an organization, we can't intervene in employees' personal lives, nor are we authorized to provide suggestions as it is their personal responsibility. Each individual is accountable for their actions and behavior.

When considering the organization's perspective, it is essential to support and educate employees in their personal lives, especially given the current scenario where Western culture is influencing Indian culture. I suggest that we should be prepared to include activities that focus on religious and cultural aspects, as someone has already mentioned. This approach would help individuals stay grounded in humanity, despite the challenges faced by all religions.

From a policy standpoint, as someone rightly pointed out, the Indian market is abundant with talent. I recall my boss mentioning eight years ago when I worked at Piramyd Retail that he values good behavior over exceptional performance. Even the operations team recommends retaining employees with positive behavior. It is crucial to make fair judgments.

Regarding our performance evaluation cycle and the bell curve, the emphasis is on the average performers.

My suggestion is to avoid encouraging male employees to relocate at this time, especially since the option has been offered to female employees. Managing an employee who insists on moving to a different location, even after expressing intent to resign, could pose challenges.

Furthermore, it is important to keep HR at the new location informed about the female employee. If any issues arise, the employee should be removed from the system promptly.

Neglecting our responsibilities will result in industry-wide repercussions if we do not address concerns promptly.

Thank you.

Hi,

These sorts of dilemmas are not worth pondering. Ek nahin to doosra. Nobody is too good to lose.

Regards,
Bama

Dear Friends,

From this, we can understand that the hero wants to transfer to Mumbai in order to continue his illegal relationship with her. This is not good at all for their families, children, and society. If we encourage them, this disease spreads to all other parts. The company can give two options to the hero: either to continue in the present job or resign from it. I can say one thing: counseling for them is very helpful and advisable at this stage. As a friend, I explain to them the results of their relationship - how your children and society are going to treat you, how their relationship damages their family members - there are so many bad results. So, I advise all - prevention is better than cure.

plbabu

Dear All,

This is business. If the guy is needed in Mumbai, then transfer him. Else, say no. It's not his family being transferred. Don't encourage any gossiping.

Regards,
Caroline M.

I fully agree with you, Mr. Kumar. People are using this site as a chatting portal where most of the time personal or others' personal problems are discussed. Please stop doing this.

Dear Bhavani,

What I suggest, being in HR we have to play our cards diplomatically and at the very same time, we have to be professional also. Please don’t accept all these things in the office and make a strict code of conduct for all the employees so that in future these types of things doesn’t happen, anyway it is okay if the lady has been transferred to some other location but that that man should not be transferred to same location, otherwise other employees will take all these things as granted and these type of incidents might be happened again.

Greetings,

When I went through the polls, I hope we have to be objective and not allow the picture of this kind of issue to cloud the implication of our judgment. I supported the transfer of the female who likely is the minor out of the scene. We need their services and not the relationship. What happens in the case of a company proprietor or a CEO who engages in this game without regard? Will the HR man transfer either of the two? What I am saying is that this issue is an opener for more education to be given to all and sundry. It could be included in the etiquette training program for our employees, and not wait until an incident occurs before we start giving judgment.

My suggestion is that moral education should be included in training programs to prevent future occurrences.

Thank you for the post.

Olufemi Ajayi
Abuja, Nigeria.

Dear Ms. Bhavani,

At the outset, I suggest that there is nothing wrong in discussing this here. It gives an overview for the other members. People wrongly construe extramarital relationships. For example, if a male or female moves freely with another gender, or if one happens to stay with another due to a personal emergency, it is labeled as "extramarital." Even the police, in bigamy cases, book false cases since they don't understand real-life scenarios. There has to be something more to the relationship, like the birth of a child to a different person.

Nowadays, corporate picnics have become common, and both genders take part in the picnics, getting to know each other well. During the course of interaction, people may look closely, and this should not be stretched to exasperating limits. In some organizations, I have seen that they have heterogeneous combinations in projects and departments, and this is today's culture. Like mobile phones and BlackBerrys, we need to accept it; else, we will be trailing behind.

Of course, genuine incidents do happen, but this has to be seen in a thorough manner.

Hi,

Posts like these are beneficial for pursuing graduates to understand the corporate world and its environment, providing them with ideas to deal with such issues.

Regards,
Srinivas

Dear All,

I don't think any solution is required in all natural processes. An organization or HR should not interfere in the personnel matters of their employees unless it disturbs the discipline of the work pace.

Regards,
Ashish

Dear Bhavani,

Please do not entertain such behavior in your organization. Take the lead and terminate them so that, at least in the future, their present will be aware of the disciplinary action taken against them.

India is a place where we still give importance to culture, ethics, tradition, etc. Let us not completely demolish them if we are unable to follow the same.

These are genuinely personal issues. We, in HR, can't indulge at all except in providing friendly support and advice. Also, you can't judge who is the hero and who is the villain.

Once you transfer one employee to another office, obviously you need to have proper justification for the other employee who made the same request.

Thanks

Dear Kumar,

The problem of extramarital affairs in the office is not pulp fiction or slander but a serious issue that has become very common in organizations nowadays. This also falls under the purview of HR. There have to be ways of dealing with such issues.

Anju Koul Manager-HR

I don't know. I may be wrong or right, but the world is wide open with good people. You just need to hire. We are shocked in surprise when my company fires somebody talented, but they always get other best recruited. Just a question! What will you do if that person leaves (after getting a good salary or something, etc.) your company? Just adhere to the company policies.

Thanks & Regards,

Subhantech

Well, counsel them and be firm. Otherwise, ask the employee to submit a resignation for misconduct. Also, inform his contact in Mumbai. I should maintain the decorum of the office. This will serve as a lesson for all other employees.

Priyanka

In my opinion, the request of the "HERO" should not be entertained. He should be strictly refused for the transfer to Mumbai.

Still, now India gets respect for its cultural values only. Please don't entertain such persons. Just sack them. Please don't show any mercy on them because maintaining our culture is one unexplored part of CSR.

In reality, we play many roles in a day in our lives. It will be extremely difficult if we mix business with pleasure. A line must be drawn, or else it will affect not only business in dollars and cents but also create chaos at the office, not to mention an already upside-down family life. Such attitude must not be tolerated at work, and I believe no staff is indispensable. An extramarital affair is a sin of inadequate self-respect, an inability to handle personal crises, and an easy way out of facing and confronting personal problems. If at home, it is already a disaster and one is incapable of controlling the wreaks, it will seep into work. Thus, from an HR practitioner's point of view, actions as per the company's guidelines must be adhered to. Absenteeism (MC) resulting from this can lead to verbal/written warnings. The company's decisions should be made based on a business perspective, and any transfers should not be influenced by an employee's unprofessional attitude. We are bound by culture, yes; as a husband/wife, our responsibilities expand to include the duties of a son/daughter, a father/mother, uncle/auntie, friends, and workers. When we get lost in the many roles we play, we lose our balance.

I tend to agree with Mr. Kumar's views. However, in such situations, do show them the door. It is the organization which is paramount and not individuals.

There is no standard reply to such issues because the facts and circumstances of each case differ from one another. Moreover, HR has nothing to do with the privacy of other people, whether it's extramarital or illicit relationships, unless it brings disrepute to the organization, harms the business, or affects the work culture, becoming detrimental to other colleagues in the company.

We have to ensure that every individual has privacy and a private life. As HR professionals, we have no authority to influence or direct the freedom of others. It is between the parties concerned to maintain a balance and avoid creating disruptions in the workplace.

Regards,

Sawant

Dear All,

I have randomly been reading the views, almost everyone has the same view that HERO shouldn't be transferred to Mumbai. One vote from my side for the same answer.

I was surprised to read some of the views, like when this has to be discussed, a shameful act for our culture. My questions are: do we really have to put a blindfold on issues like extramarital affairs? I think it's wrong. When we talk about team building and interpersonal skills, it's only that the performance of the employee should go up, and it's a win-win situation for both the company and the employee. Under these circumstances, both persons are affected, resulting in low performance, and sometimes it leads to unpleasant events like suicide, murder, or like HERO's wife walking into the office and creating a huge scene. Tell me, are these things not affecting everybody in the office?

Instead of putting a ban on talking about these kinds of situations, let's work on how we can deal with them. In every induction training, employees should be given a session on how to balance personal and professional life, or maybe there should be a certain day celebrated where the family members of the employees should be invited to the office. I have come up with these two suggestions, and I am sure we have many people who can come up with new ideas and views about it.

Ok, coming to this... Don't entertain such people. It's a professional organization, and this kind of gossip is not good for your setup. Take control of the situation and remove them both if it's out of hand. Send warning signals to everyone. Now that it has spread out, you need to make a bold decision.

- Kranthi

My personal opinion is that things are required to be solved in a very professional manner because employees, as well as their well-being, are closely associated with the company equally. They should be given professional counseling, no matter if we need to seek the help of a marriage counselor or a practicing psychologist to make things clearer for the couple, as well as for individuals engaging in relationships outside of wedlock. This is crucial for them to realize their stance on things and relationships. These issues are arising more frequently as society advances and interactions increase day by day. It's not solely about the two individuals in a relationship but involves all those in the queue and will be frequently noticed. Therefore, a proper plan of action is required to manage and resolve such matters so that harmless precedents can be established and followed in the future.

An organization cannot terminate a hardworking employee solely based on their association with another person. Even if it can, this is not the solution; it's merely an attempt to avoid the issue. How long can this be sustained and with how many individuals?

Companies should strive towards improving situations, and even if efforts do not yield results, employees should be given clear and firm directions to adhere to a proper code of conduct, behave professionally, and refrain from displaying any personal associations within the professional environment.

You cannot and will not stop people behaving like alley cats. As long as nothing happens on company premises, there is little you can do about it.

Dear Bhavsani Kumaran,

I strongly suggest you don't transfer that male employee to Mumbai since your company will fall into trouble if you transfer him there. In case he wants to resign and go to Mumbai, it will be a different issue, and it will be his own problem.

Regards,
Vijay Gaonkar