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The Harsha Bhogle's One Liners
1. This was in a match between India and South Africa. Umpire Rudi Kuertzen was caught on camera sporting a rare smile. Harsha commented, "Last time Rudi Kuertzen smiled, there was peace in West Asia."
2. This is again from the Natwest Trophy final. When Yuvraj got out at a very crucial stage, Harsha's one-liner was, "Yuvraj Singh will realize that this will be his longest walk back to the pavilion."
3. When Sachin once got out to a lollipop off-spinner (I guess it was Michael Vaughan) in '02, he wonderfully said, "Oh, what a shame. It was reminiscent of a soldier who survived the war when all the bullets were flying by his nose and then got run over by a bicycle in his native town."
4. India vs. Australia 2000 ICC Knockout Championship played in Kenya (Yuvi's debut). Sachin was smashing all Aussie bowlers, and then he hit a superb off-drive off Lee. Harsha said, "This innings by Tendulkar has been a beautiful garden, the last shot being the most beautiful flower in it."
5. India vs. New Zealand (in New Zealand 2002-2003). Sehwag had many lucky escapes when he was dropped once again. Harsha remarked, "It's been that kind of a day. Today Sehwag can walk blindfolded across a busy highway and not get run over."
6. Natwest Final: During Nasser Hussain's mistimed hits/top edges on his way to his maiden hundred, "Nasser Hussain is trying desperately hard to find innovative ways of getting himself out."
7. In the same match, "If you are not watching this segment of play, don't ever call yourself a cricket lover anymore. You are watching cricket of a very high order here."
8. Here's an old one: at Perth, Adam Gilchrist took a blinder, and he described Gilly's dive thus, "... some of the seagulls flying here are going to get a complex."
9. When Tendulkar got a hundred, he said, "Touch of class and stamp of authority."
10. Recently in India's tour of South Africa, after Sreesanth's antics with the bat and hips, Harsha blurted out suddenly, "This is the funniest thing you'll ever watch on a cricket field!"
11. When Smith dropped Sachin in the 2nd Test, Graeme Smith would be hoping that the world under his feet opens up, and he would find a crevice large enough for him to slip through.
12. After India lost the recent test series in SA, India lost the series because they surprised themselves by winning the 1st test. A win should never be a surprise.
13. After Anil Kumble scored his maiden ton, this is what our great man had to say, "This is the most romantic moment in Indian Cricket."
14. "The last time Billy gave LBW, the Berlin Wall was not there, there was peace in Afghanistan..."
15. In a match between Australia and Sri Lanka, Harsha said to Ian Chappell, "I am sure you'll never become a lawyer, I understand everything you say." Ian Chappell had no counter for this.
16. Harsha was hosting the ICC Awards before the T20 World Cup, and he called on Jonty Rhodes to present an award. As Jonty began climbing down the stairs, Harsha exclaimed, "It's pretty unusual to see Jonty walk down the stairs; I thought he might slide down them!"
17. When the wickets were falling in a heap in the T20 match, "This series is sponsored by KFC, and the wickets are falling faster than their deliveries."
18. When Gambhir was dropped twice on consecutive deliveries, Harsha joked, "We should conduct a dream job in Australia, and the winner will get to stand in the slip region!"
19. When Kumble and Ishant were batting, Hussey dropped a catch of Ishant off the bowling of Johnson, and Harsha exclaimed, "It's autumn in Adelaide. It's the time when leaves change their color and they start dropping. Here, as well, the catches are dropping."
20. In a match, Dravid left a ball alone while batting. Gavaskar, who was commenting alongside Harsha, was very impressed by the way he left the ball. He went on appreciating that for a minute or so. After this, Harsha's comment was, "Sunny, you nearly got an orgasm of happiness, didn't you!" and then both burst out into laughter!
21. Dhoni is batting with Anil Kumble. Dhoni calls for a tight single, and Harsha has this to say, "Dhoni scrambles for a single and causes Anil Kumble and all of his 37 years to rush to the other end."
22. After Shaun Tait did not live up to the hype Cricket Australia created around him, Ponting took him off the attack. Harsha, in his own inimitable style, said, "Shaun Tait should go up to Ponting and say, 'Hello Mr. Ponting, my name is Shaun Tait, and I am supposed to take 45 wickets in this test match.'"
23. HB was analyzing the innings of Laxman. Laxman made a crucial 79 in the second innings. HB said something like, "Aussies must be feeling that whenever we are on the verge of 17th, this man (Laxman) comes in between!"
24. RP Singh walked in, but it was Laxman on strike. So the Aussies wanted him to take a single and get RP on strike. They spread out the field completely, with only the keeper, one slip, and one gully inside the 30-yard circle. That's when Harsha says, "Now suddenly, Don Bradman is batting out there in the middle."
25. Seeing the flock of seagulls flying across the pitch, Harsha tells Wasim Akram, "As you would say in Punjabi... kee gull hai? Sea gull hai!"
26. When Michael Clarke was caught at slip off Kumble, he was still waiting for the decision. Over this, Harsha said, "I think he is waiting for tomorrow's newspaper to declare him out."
27. Yuvraj hit a long six off Brett Lee that went outside the stadium in Durban. Harsha exclaimed, "Are there people working late in the office there... we want the ball back!"
28. In a T20 match, Gayle hit a monstrous six but fell just short of the golf course outside the stadium. Harsha commented, "What a poor shot, just misses the golf course."
29. "If I cannot be Tendulkar, then Tendulkar can also not be me."
30. The players told their favorite shots while coming on to bat. Collingwood said, "A little nurdle off the pads," and Pietersen said blocking the ball. Harsha commented, "The next thing they'll say is that their favorite shot is to leave the ball alone."
What an introduction to the India-Australia semifinal: "This is a battle between an unstoppable force against an immovable object."
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I have corrected the spelling, grammar, and formatting issues in the text. Let me know if you need any further assistance.
From India, Bangalore
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The Harsha Bhogle's One Liners
1. This was in a match between India and South Africa. Umpire Rudi Kuertzen was caught on camera sporting a rare smile. Harsha commented, "Last time Rudi Kuertzen smiled, there was peace in West Asia."
2. This is again from the Natwest Trophy final. When Yuvraj got out at a very crucial stage, Harsha's one-liner was, "Yuvraj Singh will realize that this will be his longest walk back to the pavilion."
3. When Sachin once got out to a lollipop off-spinner (I guess it was Michael Vaughan) in '02, he wonderfully said, "Oh, what a shame. It was reminiscent of a soldier who survived the war when all the bullets were flying by his nose and then got run over by a bicycle in his native town."
4. India vs. Australia 2000 ICC Knockout Championship played in Kenya (Yuvi's debut). Sachin was smashing all Aussie bowlers, and then he hit a superb off-drive off Lee. Harsha said, "This innings by Tendulkar has been a beautiful garden, the last shot being the most beautiful flower in it."
5. India vs. New Zealand (in New Zealand 2002-2003). Sehwag had many lucky escapes when he was dropped once again. Harsha remarked, "It's been that kind of a day. Today Sehwag can walk blindfolded across a busy highway and not get run over."
6. Natwest Final: During Nasser Hussain's mistimed hits/top edges on his way to his maiden hundred, "Nasser Hussain is trying desperately hard to find innovative ways of getting himself out."
7. In the same match, "If you are not watching this segment of play, don't ever call yourself a cricket lover anymore. You are watching cricket of a very high order here."
8. Here's an old one: at Perth, Adam Gilchrist took a blinder, and he described Gilly's dive thus, "... some of the seagulls flying here are going to get a complex."
9. When Tendulkar got a hundred, he said, "Touch of class and stamp of authority."
10. Recently in India's tour of South Africa, after Sreesanth's antics with the bat and hips, Harsha blurted out suddenly, "This is the funniest thing you'll ever watch on a cricket field!"
11. When Smith dropped Sachin in the 2nd Test, Graeme Smith would be hoping that the world under his feet opens up, and he would find a crevice large enough for him to slip through.
12. After India lost the recent test series in SA, India lost the series because they surprised themselves by winning the 1st test. A win should never be a surprise.
13. After Anil Kumble scored his maiden ton, this is what our great man had to say, "This is the most romantic moment in Indian Cricket."
14. "The last time Billy gave LBW, the Berlin Wall was not there, there was peace in Afghanistan..."
15. In a match between Australia and Sri Lanka, Harsha said to Ian Chappell, "I am sure you'll never become a lawyer, I understand everything you say." Ian Chappell had no counter for this.
16. Harsha was hosting the ICC Awards before the T20 World Cup, and he called on Jonty Rhodes to present an award. As Jonty began climbing down the stairs, Harsha exclaimed, "It's pretty unusual to see Jonty walk down the stairs; I thought he might slide down them!"
17. When the wickets were falling in a heap in the T20 match, "This series is sponsored by KFC, and the wickets are falling faster than their deliveries."
18. When Gambhir was dropped twice on consecutive deliveries, Harsha joked, "We should conduct a dream job in Australia, and the winner will get to stand in the slip region!"
19. When Kumble and Ishant were batting, Hussey dropped a catch of Ishant off the bowling of Johnson, and Harsha exclaimed, "It's autumn in Adelaide. It's the time when leaves change their color and they start dropping. Here, as well, the catches are dropping."
20. In a match, Dravid left a ball alone while batting. Gavaskar, who was commenting alongside Harsha, was very impressed by the way he left the ball. He went on appreciating that for a minute or so. After this, Harsha's comment was, "Sunny, you nearly got an orgasm of happiness, didn't you!" and then both burst out into laughter!
21. Dhoni is batting with Anil Kumble. Dhoni calls for a tight single, and Harsha has this to say, "Dhoni scrambles for a single and causes Anil Kumble and all of his 37 years to rush to the other end."
22. After Shaun Tait did not live up to the hype Cricket Australia created around him, Ponting took him off the attack. Harsha, in his own inimitable style, said, "Shaun Tait should go up to Ponting and say, 'Hello Mr. Ponting, my name is Shaun Tait, and I am supposed to take 45 wickets in this test match.'"
23. HB was analyzing the innings of Laxman. Laxman made a crucial 79 in the second innings. HB said something like, "Aussies must be feeling that whenever we are on the verge of 17th, this man (Laxman) comes in between!"
24. RP Singh walked in, but it was Laxman on strike. So the Aussies wanted him to take a single and get RP on strike. They spread out the field completely, with only the keeper, one slip, and one gully inside the 30-yard circle. That's when Harsha says, "Now suddenly, Don Bradman is batting out there in the middle."
25. Seeing the flock of seagulls flying across the pitch, Harsha tells Wasim Akram, "As you would say in Punjabi... kee gull hai? Sea gull hai!"
26. When Michael Clarke was caught at slip off Kumble, he was still waiting for the decision. Over this, Harsha said, "I think he is waiting for tomorrow's newspaper to declare him out."
27. Yuvraj hit a long six off Brett Lee that went outside the stadium in Durban. Harsha exclaimed, "Are there people working late in the office there... we want the ball back!"
28. In a T20 match, Gayle hit a monstrous six but fell just short of the golf course outside the stadium. Harsha commented, "What a poor shot, just misses the golf course."
29. "If I cannot be Tendulkar, then Tendulkar can also not be me."
30. The players told their favorite shots while coming on to bat. Collingwood said, "A little nurdle off the pads," and Pietersen said blocking the ball. Harsha commented, "The next thing they'll say is that their favorite shot is to leave the ball alone."
What an introduction to the India-Australia semifinal: "This is a battle between an unstoppable force against an immovable object."
---
I have corrected the spelling, grammar, and formatting issues in the text. Let me know if you need any further assistance.
From India, Bangalore
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